Post your best short jokes!

[ChewBecca]

Short jokes don't get the attention they deserve, so lets post our best short jokes here!

I will start!

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Tommy Cooper joke

 

[Kurokiri]

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!

 

[MuXGuardian]

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Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window
Teacher : who just threw that?!
Boy : Me! I’m going home now.

 

[Mucski]

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!

 

[Kurokiri]

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!

Haha ! I like this one..

 

[Joorren XD]

Alcohol-free beer is like a bra on a clothesline. The best part isn't in it.

 

[Lance Roberrtso]

I want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurant
To have candle light dinner....
& to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill"

 

[Haz3d]

Why do Java programmers wear glasses? Because they can't c#

Edit: adding a couple more:


Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.


Knock Knock
Who's there?
...long pause...
Java


and since now the Java programmers are QQ'ing...

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone "it's by design"



Programming is like sex.... One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

 

[Kesus]

Read this one in a YouTube comment section a few years back:
How do you fit 4 gays guys on one stool? You turn it upside down.

 

[The General]

There are 5 gay guys in a pool. One farts who was it?
The one in the back.

 

[Arcelor]

I want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurant
To have candle light dinner....
& to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill"

Wow, why even bother posting that?

 

[Haz3d]

There are 5 gay guys in a pool. One farts who was it?
The one in the back.

Took me a sec to get this one...

Here's another programmer joke, idk if this is short enough...

Three developers go to the restroom. The first engineer finishes his business, washes his hands and uses 20 paper towels to dry his hands. He looks at the other two developers and says "I'm a Microsoft Engineer, we are taught to be very thorough". The Second developer finishes up, washes his hands and uses 1 paper towel to dry his hands. He looks over at the other two and says "I'm a Google Engineer, we are taught to be thorough, but also very efficient." The last developer finishes up and walks past the sinks without washing his hands. He turns to the other two developers and says "I'm a Linux developer, we don't piss on our hands."



And now for some classic Blonde jokes.

How do you get a one-armed Blonde out of a tree? Wave.

How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Why did the Blonde jump off the roof of the skyscraper? She wanted to test her new maxi-pads with wings.

What do you call three blonds standing next to each other? A wind tunnel.

What did the Blonde say to her boyfriend when he blew into her ear? Thanks for the refill.