Best friend/feelings advice?

[Akai]

Don't think this is spam..so I'll post here.

Alright, so I'm honestly not sure what to do, so why not come to Ragezone for help eh? Ok, sort of a long story. My best friend is a girl, 18, and she's about to leave for the army on August 13th, she has a boyfriend in the army who she loves a lot, but used to hate him about a month ago, she's getting married to him in December she thinks. She talks about how much he means to her, how she doesn't even look at other guys anymore, it's just all him. Well the more I'm around her, talk to her, the more I realize that I think I love her, for real. I'm in a relationship myself, but I find myself bringing my thoughts back to my best friend.

So I accidently let it slip that I'm in love with someone else other than who I'm going out with. And obviously she wants to know, but I just can't tell her. I don't know whether to tell her that I think I'm in love with her or not. She's leaving August 13th for about 7 months, and she has a boyfriend who she loves a lot. I'm just so confused on what to do. I don't know whether to just not tell her, or actually tell her how I feel. I expect nothing to come out of it. I always wanted my chance with her, but I'll never get it. I know she has no "personal" interest in me, but it's just a feeling that I think she should know.

I'm not sure what to do. Ragezone help lol

[MentaL]

[I Rule MU]

Well as you said yourself that the outcome probably wont be you getting a chance with her, I think you should let it go. If you tell her and she dosent feel the same way, than you may end up weirding out your friendship.

[EgobrainX]

Heh tough situation there mate :S well i don't know if you should risk your friendship with her, since shes to be marry and all crazy about him, i think you should stay put and wait and see what it gives, that love your feeling atm could be just a tempo. thing you know, take some time and think about it :P GL

[Madison]

I say tell her.

You said you think nothing will come of it, so what do you have to lose? Well ok your friendship perhaps, but if your friendship is strong I think you can overcome that, especially if you tell her all those things you said.

Idk for me I just don't want to spend my life with regrets or wondering "what if"

But friendship can be a kind of love. I hope you know the difference, sometimes it seems almost the same. Sometimes when you are really close to someone of the opposite sex you feel some kind of attraction to them that is complicated and hard to describe. I mean I'm sure you are in love with her but is it the right love?

Ok I'm probably not making sense. I guess as a female, I'd want to know. Honestly its flattering to hear you are cared for and loved by someone. But I don't know your situation enough to know if its the right thing for you.

[Akai]

I say tell her.

You said you think nothing will come of it, so what do you have to lose? Well ok your friendship perhaps, but if your friendship is strong I think you can overcome that, especially if you tell her all those things you said.

Idk for me I just don't want to spend my life with regrets or wondering "what if"

But friendship can be a kind of love. I hope you know the difference, sometimes it seems almost the same. Sometimes when you are really close to someone of the opposite sex you feel some kind of attraction to them that is complicated and hard to describe. I mean I'm sure you are in love with her but is it the right love?

Ok I'm probably not making sense. I guess as a female, I'd want to know. Honestly its flattering to hear you are cared for and loved by someone. But I don't know your situation enough to know if its the right thing for you.

I know what you mean, I love her to death as my best friend. We love each other like that. But I'm almost positive mine has gone further.

[Madison]

I say follow your heart, but im a hopeless romantic

[iNs@nE]

Tell her. Rather live with the consequences over living with the regret that you never got to say.
I wont say more than this. Just do it. Am tellin ya outta experience.

[Laz-low]

I wouldn't tell her. The fact she's in a very devoted relationship and you start telling her that you love her, she may take it the wrong way and it could damage your frendship big time. Some things are best kept secret, guv.

[iNs@nE]

I wouldn't tell her. The fact she's in a very devoted relationship and you start telling her that you love her, she may take it the wrong way and it could damage your frendship big time. Some things are best kept secret, guv.

And then live for the rest of his life regretting over the fact that probably if he did say - maybe things would have been totally different?
I'd rather know the consequences over not knowing them at all.
And apart from that he says that he does LOVE her. And if he really does, then I don't think he should lose the chance he has.
Coz at the end of the day he'd still be satistifed that he did what he could do and the rest wasn't in his hands really. Atleast he'd be happy.

[exclamatio]

its a very tough one, tell her but break it to her gently and tell her that oyu completely respect her feelings either way and are completely happy :)

[Parker]

I have two sides to this because it also happened to me (but not going away in the army for long period of time).

First, I do agree with Madison and Insane, I know I constantly regret things all the time to an extent where it gets on my nerves, I would say tell her because if you think that you love her, she should be the number one in your world but if you don't and keep going with your current girlfriend then she'll always be number two and you'll probably end up regretting your actions anyway.

On the other hand I've been in the same sort of situation, where the girl has a boyfriend and I was best mates with her, like I could tell her anything and she could do the same, but when we decided to go out it lasted only a very short period of time (only two months) and it wrecked our friendship, we hardly ever talk unless it's just in passing and a lot of the times it's just weird, so make your choice wisely but I would honestly tell the women that you have feelings for her.

[Akai]

Thanks for all the advice so far. I don't want her to leave and me regret not saying it. I'm still torn between what to do, but it's not like I have to make a decision tonight.

[exclamatio]

maybe write a not for her to take away with her, just envelope it and tell her to open it when she goes away

telling her now could be bad as whatever her reaction she must leave you

[Parker]

Would there be any chance or her staying if you told her before she goes away?

[Akai]

There would be no chance that she would stay if I told her. She's talking to me right now about marrying him and putting his last name instead of hers. So I think it's best if I don't tell her. However, I'm going to write her a note/letter and give it to her when she ships off and then have her read it when she leaves. I think thats best.

[-fedexer-]

That however could make her feel bad, her leaving without being able to say something to you after reading your letter.
Seems like a no win situation there mate.

[Gladstone]

Forget about it man. You're 17, presumably off to university next year. Just savour these moments with her as your best friend. It'll all be water under the bridge in a couple of years time. It's difficult, but that's how it goes.

[Initiate]

ya akai, i think you should tell her but gladstone is also right, but if you dont tell her youll have tyo live with the regret and the "what ifs"

btw gladstone, its called a muzzle break it reduces the recoil.

[Fulzo]

Personally i wouldn't tell her, she seems to have something great with the guy in the army.. if you tell her it may damage her relationship with him.

[lemonade.]

i wouldnt tell her.
just what i think here.
you sound as if your in a great relationship all ready.
why risk it by trying to go for her?
she may not even like you that way.
than youd be out of the girl you love.
i say stick to your gf.
youll slowly forget about the other girl and how you liked her.
this is just hwat i think :)

[Parker]

Personally i wouldn't tell her, she seems to have something great with the guy in the army.. if you tell her it may damage her relationship with him.

Well this post might be abit slack or something so forgive me now, I'm not 100% sure how to write this but I'll try do it without offending to harshly or anything like that

With the girls in my area, if they're virgins and you deflower them then they often want the guy they had sexual intercourse with, they become infatuated with the guy and want everything from him marriage, moving in together etc it might just be the case here with the Army guy sorry to say :smurf:

:winky:

[theninjaway]

I say tell her.

You said you think nothing will come of it, so what do you have to lose? Well ok your friendship perhaps, but if your friendship is strong I think you can overcome that, especially if you tell her all those things you said.

Idk for me I just don't want to spend my life with regrets or wondering "what if"

But friendship can be a kind of love. I hope you know the difference, sometimes it seems almost the same. Sometimes when you are really close to someone of the opposite sex you feel some kind of attraction to them that is complicated and hard to describe. I mean I'm sure you are in love with her but is it the right love?

Ok I'm probably not making sense. I guess as a female, I'd want to know. Honestly its flattering to hear you are cared for and loved by someone. But I don't know your situation enough to know if its the right thing for you.

Madison's a woman, so obviously, she give's better advice then us warmongering men. But really, I say go for it. I had a close friend that I was falling for, it worked out for 6 months, and after that I learned it wasn't a good idea to leave your cell phone by a girl's house. That = Red Mark on face, Her telling me it's over, depression, then cheer up by Laz. But go for it, you have nothing to lose. She's going to the army (hope thet doesn't = Iraq). Your probably not going to see her for a long while, so if it weirds out, she'll probably forget what you said tbh.

[Fulzo]

Well this post might be abit slack or something so forgive me now, I'm not 100% sure how to write this but I'll try do it without offending to harshly or anything like that

With the girls in my area, if they're virgins and you deflower them then they often want the guy they had sexual intercourse with, they become infatuated with the guy and want everything from him marriage, moving in together etc it might just be the case here with the Army guy sorry to say :smurf:

:winky:

Yea your right about that (obviously doesnt happen to everyone)
But ive never heard the word deflower used like that before :P

[theninjaway]

Yea your right about that (obviously doesnt happen to everyone)
But ive never heard the word deflower used like that before :P

Lol, only by Old Folks. Deflowered is a peculiar term.

[DeathEx]

Hmm. That is a tight situation. Just tell her how you feel. In some chance she might actually like you back. Even if she says, "Sorry, I don't feel the same way." Sure it'll weird out your friendship. That'll mean just to move on and find another girl. If you don't say anything you move on either way. Also you can still stick with your current gf even if you say that. Take a chance and see what happens.