Feeling too much.

[Negata]

Ever had so many mixed feelings of sadness and joy at once it makes you burst in tears?

It was Tuesday a week ago, a day like any other and I was lying on my bed. I had so many suppressed feelings of grief, frustration, anger, disappointment and other negative things inside for years, that eventually it all piled up and when I felt a doze of positive vibes merging into it, it all just came out as tears and I couldn't stop it for like half an hour. It was an interesting experience, had high-speed flashes of all the previous events that left scars, everything from watching my sister's coffin to cheating girlfriends and even failed exams. It was like a slideshow with the only purpose of reminding me of everything hurtful and making me deal with it. It was so confusing though, because on top of it all I felt happy, maybe for the first time in years.

This alone was breathtaking, but what made it one of the best moments of my entire life was having my gf there on my chest all the time with an understanding expression on her face even though I couldn't find the words to explain what's going on. And the kiss... I don't know of another way to describe it but to say it was a preview of heaven. Never sensed something as intense before.

Don't lock yourselves out of the life. There are moments worth dying for. And those worth living for.

Feel free to comment or share a story of your own, but I'm not expecting anything. I just wanted to write a piece of my life in public, even if I'm hiding behind nickname. Seeing there will be at least a few views will be my reward, knowing maybe someone from now on will hold a glimpse of truth regarding the anonymous character behind Negata. This thread is devoted as much to this wonderful sensation as it is for my girlfriend. I love you. :wub:

[MentaL]

[MentaL]

Now,

The problem with me is im not like that at all, i wish i was but i aint, i let everything bottle up inside of me and im just angry 24/7 and hate to be mad, i wish i could just open up like that, just as a form of relief, but lucky we have someone to rest our heads into tho, right?

:P

[Negata]

Right! Outdoors we're the shoulder to cry on, indoors they're the 2 bumps to take shelter in between of. :D

[Boko]

Ever had so many mixed feelings of sadness and joy at once it makes you burst in tears?

Yep (sort of anyways), although it had nothing to do with bad stuff happening in my life. Wasn't really possible as I was about 11 years old at the time. It had everything to do with religion. If anybody cares I'll gladly tell the story :)

Greetings,
Boko

[exclamatio]

beautiful post m8

ive had times where ive been so low and times where ive been so high, ill share 1

my grandad was in hospital a while ago and i knew he was dieing, he was taken in like a week b4 after a heart attack, they let him out and had 2 take him back again. I knew it was coming, of course it was, we all die after all.
i was sitting here where i usually am, in my seat looking into my monitor, my dad told me my grandad had passed away, i didnt feel anything i just said ok.
after being alone for a while i thought of all the times id spent with him, all the things hed shown me and taught me.
most of all i thought of the love and compasion he had for every member of his family, a father of 7 with many more grandchildren he had a lot of love, i just burst into tears.
i was so sad but after a short while i fealt good, i fealt good that i had known such a man.
i was still crying and even though he was dead they were now tears of joy

[Skeletor182]

theres a tempory cure for this inda depresion its called "Weed, hash, mary jane," makes me feel happy with my freinds laughing away. Also try listening to a good tune helps you get rid of those feelings.
I suggest listening to some Jimmy Eat World i.e "Hear You Me" thats if you've lost loved ones works for me give it a try

[Negata]

i was sitting here where i usually am, in my seat looking into my monitor, my dad told me my grandad had passed away, i didnt feel anything i just said ok.
after being alone for a while i thought of all the times id spent with him, all the things hed shown me and taught me.

Wow that's the same I had when I heard my newborn sister had died. It's shocking for a 12 (or something) year old to see your own dad lose control. I couldn't react to any of it at first, but a little later when I started thinking of all the anticipation and joy my parents had of the pregnancy and how it all turned into such a sad day I realized to let it go, even if it wasn't directly my own loss.

[Rishwin]

aye i bottle up everything too. the only way they get out is through my poems/stories that i write. i recon my bottle was previously used for pickling or something cos if i try and discuss anything that i've kept bottled up it comes out distorted and i start sounding like a flippin retard. mum once asked me if i wanted to see a psychiatrist just to see how it is cos she could see that i had like shit i needed to get off my chest... by the end of the 2 hour session i had made the guy think i have some kind of speach disorder and i foundout that he is a fgx designer by profession :P

i have many issuse that just lie there for like years and i just ignore them. i doubt thats healthy but watcha gonna do?

[Garvonis]

I know what it's like to keep things bottled up for years as well. I lost my grandpa, my dad's dad, when I was only 4 or 5, maybe 6 (I'm 18 now). And I never knew my mom's real dad, he died before I was born, so I guess there's nothing much there. While I haven't had the unfortunate experiences of losing people to death, there's still a lot that's been lost in my family (especially outside the immediate family). Soon after my grandpa died, my mom and dad got divorced, and a few years later, my mom remarried and my brother went to go live with my dad... Now a days it seems my brother is the only one I can count on... My dad has a "new family" to take care of. I was down staying with my grandma and brother (they live together) and my dad only came to my grandma's house to pick up the mail, despite knowing I wanted to go do something, even if it was just going to dinner. He even told me that on a Sunday, the Sunday he had off, that he was out by himself just getting away from my step-mom because of a fight. He was off walkin the beach or something, by himself. wtf? Grandma's house is a hell of a lot closer than the beach, even if the beach is only 20 minutes (or so) away.

*sigh* I got a lot of crap built up, much more than this little these two..events... But they're all "small" in comparison I guess. And most people would just have me shrug off the thing with my grandpa dieing, because I was still very young, but even so, I still have many, many fond memories because back then we all lived in Southern California, and we all visited grandma's and grandpa's house every month for get-togethers. But every time I even think of letting anything out, I'm reminded that someone else has it "so much worse"... And if I do.. I get "What about those people who got fucked up by Hurricane Katrina? They got it much worse than you." Or something of the like. So I guess until I have a (another) family member die, I can't let anything out.

And for you people who have people, or even just that special someone, there for you, you're the luckiest people in the world. For I have no one. My step-dad could care less about having an actual family here, he plays Counter Strike Source when he's at home from his "glamourous" 14.5k a year job. And my mom would just throw all her life stories back at me in my face, ones that I've heard from her all my life in similar fashion (thrown in my face), and have grown tired of.

[NoPeace]

Aye mate I'm like that my self. I also supress my emotions and at times it just comes out in tears, but it isn't a bad thing for the most part. Especially when someone is there to comfort and be there for you during it. It is actually nice feeling instead of this depressing feeling you actually think it would bring.

NoPeace - out

[cameronmd]

I use to cry all the time at night when I was going to sleep for last 2-3 years I've maybe cried 5 times max. i kind of learned to deal with the fact that life sucks and we dont get anything we ever want/need. All we do is live life by the second. I had my dreams and still do but I kind of found out that I cant get what I wanted. One of my dreams is to work for a big MMO game, I want to be one of the admins on the forums/ingame that handel the problems and help people and post up todate stuff. But I think its gonna be hard. Because most people that have that job have said this "Well I got here because I knew someone who knew someone".... to me its bs how they get a job like that, that most people WANT to have and all they really do is sit around eating and laughing, I've had a admin that works for CoH say "All we do is sit around eat/drink and laughing. We would show others what some people complain about and just laugh. Job is fun and easy." BS!!! If I had that job I would do it right, because I know how it feels when all the admins do is wait for you to log off then send an auto message to you saying you logged off before we could get ahold of you. Plus I'd be getting paid. But the point is we all have emotional times, have dreams but most people dont get their dreams, most get the crappy side of the bed while others get the easy road. (I didnt read EVERY thing on this forum but i scanned through it and just wanted to say something about emotion and dreams)
I've never really lost a family memeber but I dont remember having a good father as a child, my father has changed alot from then but I still cant take the grudge I have against him off.

[exclamatio]

I use to cry all the time at night when I was going to sleep for last 2-3 years I've maybe cried 5 times max. i kind of learned to deal with the fact that life sucks and we dont get anything we ever want/need. All we do is live life by the second. I had my dreams and still do but I kind of found out that I cant get what I wanted. One of my dreams is to work for a big MMO game, I want to be one of the admins on the forums/ingame that handel the problems and help people and post up todate stuff. But I think its gonna be hard. Because most people that have that job have said this "Well I got here because I knew someone who knew someone".... to me its bs how they get a job like that, that most people WANT to have and all they really do is sit around eating and laughing, I've had a admin that works for CoH say "All we do is sit around eat/drink and laughing. We would show others what some people complain about and just laugh. Job is fun and easy." BS!!! If I had that job I would do it right, because I know how it feels when all the admins do is wait for you to log off then send an auto message to you saying you logged off before we could get ahold of you. Plus I'd be getting paid. But the point is we all have emotional times, have dreams but most people dont get their dreams, most get the crappy side of the bed while others get the easy road. (I didnt read EVERY thing on this forum but i scanned through it and just wanted to say something about emotion and dreams)
I've never really lost a family memeber but I dont remember having a good father as a child, my father has changed alot from then but I still cant take the grudge I have against him off.

dont be so weak

if you want something then take it, work hard for it

[Gabrieth]

theres a tempory cure for this inda depresion its called "Weed, hash, mary jane," makes me feel happy with my freinds laughing away. Also try listening to a good tune helps you get rid of those feelings.
I suggest listening to some Jimmy Eat World i.e "Hear You Me" thats if you've lost loved ones works for me give it a try

You say that but weed actualy makes you stupid and slow trust me I got meny freinds addicted to it they get dumber by the day and slow .... like 10 seconds reactions .. :/

Nope never depressed never happy never feel im empty and so should you ;)
Never cryed since I was 7 years old :/

[RsX]

Amazing post, in my opinion. I would give you more rep but I already did :P

Anyways, it never really happened to me. Im still trying to find the cause of my.. erm.. depression (?). At this point I'm thinking that its because I miss my "childhood". I remember back in Miami, before I moved to Israel or before I moved to toronto, I always used to play with friends and have fun 24/7, always smiling and cheerful. But somewhere, in Israel, in the summer of '04, something just changed in me, instantly, and I just never felt as happy. I really honestly dont know why. A few months later, Febuary of '05, I woke up to see my 65 year old father leaning against the wall, bursting in tears. I was shocked, for I have never seen him cry before. I understood what happened and rushed to comfort him (His father just passed away), acting like I wasn't really hurt, or at least not as hurt as I should have been. It turns out that I never really was as sad as I should have been, because I never really got to know my grandfather. I was born in New York, and only saw him on annual vacations, and even then, he was old, and it was hard for him to talk like he used to. He was over 85. THAT was what made me sad more than anything. I never even had a one on one conversation with him. Thats part of what broke the ice and made me even more depressed. A few months later, summer of '05, I found out we were gonna be moving to Tornto, which at first made me glad... I thought it would help make me more involved in life, like in Miami, until I actually arrived here. I never thought I would miss my family and friends THIS much! But I guess that when you are 15 years old, and you are more involved and knowledged in what's going on around you that its a bit harder than when I was younger ;) . In Israel I had at least friends to talk to, but here in Toronto I have only one friend because I go to a snobbish school that asks for 17,000$ a year. My moms work pays for it, we are not really that rich. I only have one friend here, and thats basically it. I also feel like I'm annoying him because I try to get together a lot, because he is, after all, my only friend. It seems to me that he has trouble understanding what its like to be alone for so long. He is really smart, though, so I doubt it. So thats how my "feelings" are, at the moment. Lol, Maybe these are just the years that kinda force mixed feelings for no reason :P

Sometimes when I'm about to go to sleep and I'm in bed, I raise really depressing questions such as "Why are we here?", "What is our purpose?", "Why would we be here in the first place if we just die in the end?", etc.. Which is kind of annoying.

I can't really think about something GOOD that happened to me... I guess that I got a guitar, or that Im starting to drive, so I will have something else to do all day besides just computer computer computer.

Mhm so yeah thats about it.

beautiful post m8

ive had times where ive been so low and times where ive been so high, ill share 1

my grandad was in hospital a while ago and i knew he was dieing, he was taken in like a week b4 after a heart attack, they let him out and had 2 take him back again. I knew it was coming, of course it was, we all die after all.
i was sitting here where i usually am, in my seat looking into my monitor, my dad told me my grandad had passed away, i didnt feel anything i just said ok.
after being alone for a while i thought of all the times id spent with him, all the things hed shown me and taught me.
most of all i thought of the love and compasion he had for every member of his family, a father of 7 with many more grandchildren he had a lot of love, i just burst into tears.
i was so sad but after a short while i fealt good, i fealt good that i had known such a man.
i was still crying and even though he was dead they were now tears of joy

I kinda answered this one above accidentaly :P

[Iron Maiden]

This may not be sadness and joy mixed together, but it is a strong feeling of emotion.

One day, I was coming home from band practice. I decided to have a sandwich. When I went for the meat and cheese there wasn't any. So that pissed me off quite a bit. Not the way to start the evening I'm about to have. So I'm hungry as fuck and have no money, so I go over to my girlfriend Stacy's house. She's not my actual girlfriend but me and her go way back. So anyways, I get to Stacy's house and I'm like, "I need some food." She tells me she was having pizza and that I could help myself to some. So I chill there for about an hour talking and eating. And sometime during the conversation I notice she has bruises all over he torso and hip. I ask her what happened and she said that she fell down the stairs. Of course there was no way in hell that falling down the stairs could do that to you. She gets angry at me and says it isn't any of my business. By this time, I know someone was hitting her and it wasnt her father because he's a good guy. I go on to find out that it was her junkie piece of shit boyfriend. And, for some reason, I feel the need to kick this guy's ass. So I tell Stacy to get into my car and we go over to his house. Now I'm really pissed off because she is crying and saying it wasnt his fault and she starts blaming herself. So when we get there, he opens the door with a joint in his mouth and the next thing I know I was on top of him beating the living hell out of him. By the time Stacy pulled me off of him, his nose was already broken and most of his face was busted up. And as I was taking Stacy home to explain what happened to her parents, she told me she was sorry and that it would never happen again and thanked me. After that, I couldn't tell her parents what had happened so I took her back to my house and told her she could stay here tonight. Well, that night one thing led to another and we ended up making love. I never felt so much love for someone as I did for Stacy that night.

And we are still together, 2 years later. <3

[hansen]

Went to New York to visit some girl that I was in love with .Got there and we immediantely had sex, right in her bedroom. Her parents came to the door time to time to drop food off and ask if we were alright. Well I left after getting disgusted with her and she cried for 3 days straight. I just went out and had some beers.

[Rocz]

i recently hit rock bottom, so time to come back to RZ i think

[Josh]

Everyone who knows me knows I have anger problems, lol.
And Iron_Maiden, you owned that idiot.

[The_Gatekeeper_]

Now,

The problem with me is im not like that at all, i wish i was but i aint, i let everything bottle up inside of me and im just angry 24/7 and hate to be mad, i wish i could just open up like that, just as a form of relief, but lucky we have someone to rest our heads into tho, right?

:P

Mental beat up your pillow :O

[darko6]

wow...that was such an awesome post negata. Props, but you guys are lucky to have someone that understands you guys, i myself have bottled up for a long time now and right now is about the lowest i've ever been and it seems to be going lower =/. one day seems to start off fine and then boom, something really shitty happens and one thing leads to another and its back to before square one again. oh well..........i don't know what keeps me going and how much longer i'll keep going , but i know that if things keep going the way they go, it won't be too much loner =(

[ryhuni]

This may not be sadness and joy mixed together, but it is a strong feeling of emotion.

One day, I was coming home from band practice. I decided to have a sandwich. When I went for the meat and cheese there wasn't any. So that pissed me off quite a bit. Not the way to start the evening I'm about to have. So I'm hungry as fuck and have no money, so I go over to my girlfriend Stacy's house. She's not my actual girlfriend but me and her go way back. So anyways, I get to Stacy's house and I'm like, "I need some food." She tells me she was having pizza and that I could help myself to some. So I chill there for about an hour talking and eating. And sometime during the conversation I notice she has bruises all over he torso and hip. I ask her what happened and she said that she fell down the stairs. Of course there was no way in hell that falling down the stairs could do that to you. She gets angry at me and says it isn't any of my business. By this time, I know someone was hitting her and it wasnt her father because he's a good guy. I go on to find out that it was her junkie piece of shit boyfriend. And, for some reason, I feel the need to kick this guy's ass. So I tell Stacy to get into my car and we go over to his house. Now I'm really pissed off because she is crying and saying it wasnt his fault and she starts blaming herself. So when we get there, he opens the door with a joint in his mouth and the next thing I know I was on top of him beating the living hell out of him. By the time Stacy pulled me off of him, his nose was already broken and most of his face was busted up. And as I was taking Stacy home to explain what happened to her parents, she told me she was sorry and that it would never happen again and thanked me. After that, I couldn't tell her parents what had happened so I took her back to my house and told her she could stay here tonight. Well, that night one thing led to another and we ended up making love. I never felt so much love for someone as I did for Stacy that night.

And we are still together, 2 years later. <3

What a strange love story you got there Iron Maiden, but still good, i would change one thing, after you kicked his ass, turn around and beat his parents ass for letting him smoke weed and act like he did. :D unless he didnt live with them.

[Leo]

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all. - Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)

[Konrow]

very touvhing. tbh be honest i myslef can't let my emotions out. they're all bottled up inside me and i'm usually just really pissed or quiet for moments on end. Even though i have fun and happy moments with firned s and my gf i still don't let my true emotions out. i guess i'm just a coward but hey i like keeping all the important things to myself.

[Iron Maiden]

That guy's dad was an alcoholic and his mother, I don't even know if she lives with him. He dropped out 1 month after that happened. I pity the guy.

[darko6]

holy crap that was a pretty bitchen story their iron maiden. Bah, i have nothing relaly cool to show or tell =/