Girl problems

[Ron]

Before I get started I just want to say, I'm a little young to be getting into serious relationships I know, so please don't reply saying something like "You shouldn't be thinking about this at your age". I'm looking for advice on what to do, not replies with getting scolded about my age.

Alright, well me and my girl are having a little bit of a problem. A few days ago I went over to her house after school to watch a movie. Her parents and her sister were gone so we were there alone. In the middle of the movie we started making out. We got a little too into it and I started to finger her. We actually got "a little too into it" three times that day. Now onto the problem. She suddenly calls today saying that she regrets what happened Thursday (the day we watched the movie). She keeps saying stuff like how she thinks our relationship is going to go in a weird direction because of what we did at such an early age. She says that "nothing will be the same anymore." Shes right, nothing will really be the same anymore but the problem is that because of what we did, it may cause us to break up. I really love her and when I went over to her house that day I had no intention of things going that far, I just can't seem to find a way to tell her that I'm not some pervert that just wants to "play around" all the time. I love her a lot and I'd do anything for her, I just can't show her that I want more than just to "play around".

Can someone give me some advice on how to show her I think of her more than just a "play toy"? She means a lot to me and losing her would really hurt.

[MentaL]

[iNs@nE]

Time is the best healer.

Believe it or not I was struck when I read your post. The exact same fkin thing happened to me quite sometime back. She did say that what happened could have spoiled our relation for good and we did stop talking for a couple of days but then she called up and patched things up.

I guess you should wait for a couple of days. If she doesnt call, then call her and tell her the exact same thing you told us here. Be a lil romantic and nice and I dont see her saying NO.

Good Luck with that buddy.

P.S: How old are you btw?

[Ron]

Time is the best healer.

Believe it or not I was struck when I read your post. The exact same fkin thing happened to me quite sometime back. She did say that what happened could have spoiled our relation for good and we did stop talking for a couple of days but then she called up and patched things up.

I guess you should wait for a couple of days. If she doesnt call, then call her and tell her the exact same thing you told us here. Be a lil romantic and nice and I dont see her saying NO.

Good Luck with that buddy.

P.S: How old are you btw?

Last thing she said on Yahoo was "i'll talk to you tomorrow" then she just signed off. Planning on calling her as soon as possible tomorrow. Just not talking to each other for a while wont work because we see each other everyday. Oh, and we're both 15.

[iNs@nE]

15? Well, aint too young either. Shouldnt be a problem.

Explain stuff to her when she talks to you tomorrow. I'm sure she'll understand.
If she doesnt, then go for REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. Put the whole blame on her and act as if you are majorly pissed off (but dont over do it..he he...). Dont say anything mean. If you really love and want her to be with you for life then do something that will make her feel that.

[Ron]

15? Well, aint too young either. Shouldnt be a problem.

Explain stuff to her when she talks to you tomorrow. I'm sure she'll understand.
If she doesnt, then go for REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. Put the whole blame on her and act as if you are majorly pissed off (but dont over do it..he he...). Dont say anything mean. If you really love and want her to be with you for life then do something that will make her feel that.

I'll only use acting pissed off as a last resort. Don't want to risk completely messing everything up unless nothing else works. Hopefully she will understand when I talk to her tomorrow, unless of course she doesn't want to talk at all tomorrow. Then I'll probably end up walking to her house to talk to her.

[powamonger]

you think your 2 young at 15, then you dont want to come down to london and see what we get up to at that age. when i was 15 i was doing stuff you wouldnt think imaginable (spelling).

take one example: was at a friends house smoking spliffs out his window, our other mate was banging his girl in the same room as us (mad eh) and 1 of my mates which was smoking spliffs was the cousin of the girl our other m8 was banging, well it was quite grafic and we even got a flash show when the girl pulled the cover off of them revealing her "nakedness"

well my mates and the guy who was banging his girl went downstairs leaving me and her alone in the room, she then comes up to me and tries to kiss me (she was still naked) and reveals that she fancies me alot. i was surprised she just had sex with her b/f which was my mate and now she wanted me. well lets just say the week after that i made a secret trip to someones house ;)

If you think your too young for things like this then think again, but what i do suggest if your new to this then take it slow, let the pieces of the puzzle fix together and im surer everything will be good for you :)

[Zmiffy]

There's nothing to worry about, really.

I say that this should bring you two closer to eachother.

[exclamatio]

you say you cant think of anyway to tell her how you feel

well thats exactly what u need to do, if you cant say it to her face then send her an email or something letting her know how u feel about the situation and her reaction to it

you can only make decisions based on what you currently know, and if what you currently know or even what she currently knows is not the full picture then how can any decision be an accurate one?

tell her how u feel thats the 1st step mate

[Konrow]

tbh I had something similar happen to me which is wierd because i seriosuly thought i was one of the few if not the only one, but anyways what i did is i just let it cool down and the both of us just hung out without doing anything too wild . after some time we were back to the great relationship we had before and i made sure never to make her feel like a play toy or anything of that sort. So i'm saying pretty much what Ins@ne said: time is the best healer.

[iNs@nE]

well thats exactly what u need to do, if you cant say it to her face then send her an email or something letting her know how u feel about the situation and her reaction to it

I dont think thats a really good idea - email or letter. It would be much better if he spoke to her directly.

[powamonger]

well thats exactly what u need to do, if you cant say it to her face then send her an email or something letting her know how u feel about the situation and her reaction to it

I dont think thats a really good idea - email or letter. It would be much better if he spoke to her directly.

he said if heh

imo tell her you like her alot (dont say love, your only 15) and that you would be with her even if it means you dont do that kind of stuff for a while till you both feel its right to do so.

maybe you was ready to take it a step further, but she wasnt. take a step back and take things slow, explain to her that when she is ready, or not, to not go ahead with it until she felt 100% right about it.

it really depends on how mature the girl is and how mature you are, girls mature faster then boys, soon she'll be ready and you will be happy.

[Iron Maiden]

Hmm. I would at this point get pissed probably that she is acting like that. But, I never could guess what women want us guys to do to show them we love them.

And I'm sorry but, at age 15, how are you supposed to show someone that you love them? I'm not harassing you about your age...but seriously wtf does she expect you to do? It's not like you can go out and buy her a bunch of stuff.

I'd shift the wrong doing on her. You said you've done this with her multiple times previously? Why is she freaking out about it now? And why would she think you are just "playing around"? Sounds to me like she's just pouting for more attention.

[Evilkitten]

I dont think thats a really good idea - email or letter. It would be much better if he spoke to her directly.

Tbh it can be a good idea, It can help to give a hand written letter to some one to help the ball rolling. Then when she read it, talk about it in person.

I've done that some with my ex-bfs and with my current and vice versa and I find it helps put foundation down with an intent to talk about it in person.

Just tell her how you feel before talking about what happens, let her know that you really care about her and what she feels etc. Then reflect that on what happens, that if she felt that you was going a little fast that you can step back and wait for when she is truly ready. Tell her everything you've said here.

[Madison]

Hi, well, reading this I'm thinking too that 15 is not at all too young. But also being a girl myself, I think she's worried now that she's a slut, that she went too fast, that you will expect more and more and it scares her. She probably wants to go further with you even, but really likes what you have now and is afraid to ruin it. Makes perfect sence to me, people who don't have a lot of experience (or none) in sex often get very attached (or very un-attached) to the person they experienced it with.

I think you should not at all get mad at her, that is going to make it really bad, and will make her feel like crap. Instead, continue to treat her as you always did. Next time you are together like that, make sure you DON'T do the same thing to show her she is more than a toy. That's how you can show you love her too is how you act. pff- buying stuff doesn't show someone you love them anyway it shows you spent money on them.

Anything you do that is thoughtful is best. And yes time will help. In that time if you show her you respect her and care for her hopefully things will be good again. And talk to her too, its obvious you really care about her, if you can express to her what you told us, she is sure to understand.

Good luck. :)

[Iron Maiden]

I think you should not at all get mad at her, that is going to make it really bad, and will make her feel like crap. Instead, continue to treat her as you always did. Next time you are together like that, make sure you DON'T do the same thing to show her she is more than a toy. That's how you can show you love her too is how you act. pff- buying stuff doesn't show someone you love them anyway it shows you spent money on them.

Bullshit. I buy things for my girlfriend all the time because it makes her happy and I care about making her happy. Although, I do it even though she doesn't ask me to. When she starts asking is when I stop.

If she is insecure about herself and thinks that she is a slut, I would be very cautious. Because insecurity leads to cheating.

[Becky]

She really shouldn't regret it, and probably she doesn't. She just needs time to think about it; time to let it sink it that she is becoming an adult. Scary time for boys and girls :S

Just be honest with her. Best advice you'll ever get.

Believe it or not, people have a hard time being honest. A relationship will be made or be broken by it. I've had some past bf's that were anything but honest with me and it really messed things up in the end. Even small things are important, if not more important. Not saying I was/am perfect at being honest... but aim for it.

[omerta]

you think your 2 young at 15, then you dont want to come down to london and see what we get up to at that age. when i was 15 i was doing stuff you wouldnt think imaginable (spelling).

take one example: was at a friends house smoking spliffs out his window, our other mate was banging his girl in the same room as us (mad eh) and 1 of my mates which was smoking spliffs was the cousin of the girl our other m8 was banging, well it was quite grafic and we even got a flash show when the girl pulled the cover off of them revealing her "nakedness"

well my mates and the guy who was banging his girl went downstairs leaving me and her alone in the room, she then comes up to me and tries to kiss me (she was still naked) and reveals that she fancies me alot. i was surprised she just had sex with her b/f which was my mate and now she wanted me. well lets just say the week after that i made a secret trip to someones house ;)

If you think your too young for things like this then think again, but what i do suggest if your new to this then take it slow, let the pieces of the puzzle fix together and im surer everything will be good for you :)

*buys ticket to london*


ps - like towing a caravan, things will allways sort themselves out (good or bad)

[hughrobbie]

well dude all I can say is WELL DONE YOU GOT PASSED 1st BASE!are you ready for the 2nd xD Kidding

[Evilkitten]

Bullshit. I buy things for my girlfriend all the time because it makes her happy and I care about making her happy. Although, I do it even though she doesn't ask me to. When she starts asking is when I stop.

If she is insecure about herself and thinks that she is a slut, I would be very cautious. Because insecurity leads to cheating.

Sorry to say but your not a female. Female's like the free things in life, like holding her, giving her a kiss, giving security and just plain out spending time together. Sure getting things are great but that's all it is, it doesn't necessary show you love her, it shows you spent some money and that is all. I know many girls that I talk to say the same thing. O.O

[Madison]

Bullshit. I buy things for my girlfriend all the time because it makes her happy and I care about making her happy. Although, I do it even though she doesn't ask me to. When she starts asking is when I stop.

If she is insecure about herself and thinks that she is a slut, I would be very cautious. Because insecurity leads to cheating.

Ok I can explain that a little better:

Buying stuff just for the sake of buying her stuff doens't show that you love her. What you are talking about is being thoughtful, even you have to agree you could be thoughtful without buying her stuff. (Making her favorite dinner, or a cd of songs that remind you of her, or writing her a song/poem, etc)

There's a big difference to me between buying a girl her fav cd because you know its her favorite, and buying one for the sake of givinig her something. Anything you put thought into becomes something else. Also if it is backed up by your other actions, its totally different.


And you're probably right about the insecurity, although not in every case. Of course we don't know this girl or why she is upset, I was just giving some reasons why (if in that sitation) I might be upset. - and at 15 I was very insecure, although not a cheater, in fact exactly the opposite: I was faithful to a fault.

Anyway Becky's right, being honest is the best thing. Honesty is so rare it seems.

Serves me right for trying to respond to a post while waiting for my ride to lunch.

[omerta]

a hug v diamond ring. i think i know the outcome

[powamonger]

depends on the type of girl tbh, there are "gold diggers" out there who only go out with you for your money, thank god ive never been with one. depends where you live aswell, down here in london theres loads!


edit:

a hug v diamond ring. i think i know the outcome

rofl so true but like i said it depends on the girl, obviously the rz community doesnt attract those types :P

[Madison]

Sorry to say but your not a female. Female's like the free things in life, like holding her, giving her a kiss, giving security and just plain out spending time together. Sure getting things are great but that's all it is, it doesn't necessary show you love her, it shows you spent some money and that is all. I know many girls that I talk to say the same thing. O.O

Ah ha this is a bit more of what I meant.

and

BTW omerta: a hug wins.

I hate diamonds (always have), I'm allergic to metal (and cant wear a ring anyway) and any guy that knew me well enough to give me a ring should know that about me.

[omerta]

balls, if i went up to a random girl and offered her a hug or a diamond ring 99% wud take the ring. we live in a very materialistic world.

[Pieman]

well dude all I can say is WELL DONE YOU GOT PASSED 1st BASE!are you ready for the 2nd xD Kidding

Congratulations, you are officially an asshole.