Some poems i wrote

[andsnake]

hi, i'm curently serving my country as a soldier,(you see every 18year old and above, once he finishes school is obligated to serve in the army for 2 years),
and whenever i find the chance i write poets(as a hobby you might say :P).

I want to know what other people think of them and so thats why i made this post( i did not include all my poets cause a large number of them is written in greek and so i chose of what i though it was good , from those written in english.)

So here they are:

1.)

From the first time i saw you,
i was stunned,
Your eyes,your lips, your hair,
beautiful like the godess of love!

I couldn't take my eyes of you,
you beautiful flower, my sun!

Your hair are the sunshine,
which lights my heart,
your eyes are like a waterfall,
full of hope,love,
like them there are none!

I wish i could tell you,
how beautiful you are,
but i'm a coward you see,
like a kid which always runs away from girls

I've found this way then,
to express my feelings towards you,
Hope you accept them,
my beautiful flower, my love!

But even if you don't,
please don't hate me,
for i'm deeply in love with you!
Instead let us be friends ,
and i promise,
i will not bother you again.

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2)

I'm here alone,
quarding some guns,
I wonder what you're doing,
now that i'm gone

I miss your smile,
I miss your hair,
I miss the whole you,
Those lips,those eyes
your beauty cannot be described
in these simple words in lines!

I wish i was there,
holding your hand,
and say "I LOVE YOU"
with all my heart!

Your life gives meaning ,
to my empty world,
please come and save me,
from this cold cage called "I'm alone"!

You are the light,
which quides my way,
Please shine like the sun
and bring the day to my dark heart!

But back to reality here i am,
standing all alone,
and quarding theese guns!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
3)

You are like a flower,
in this empty world,
you are the joy
i was looking for!

And when i see you,
my heart goes crazy,
my mind gets blinded,
stunned from your beauty

I want to touch you,
and hold you tight,
and say " I LOVE YOU"
with all my might!

You are a godess in my eyes,
come one and let me,
be by your side!

You are the sunshine,
which lights this world,
come on and save me ,
from my cold world!

[MentaL]

[Mick]

There quite good, did u write them about sombody you love or loved? I off To the army the end of next month cus the contract of my last job ran out -_-

[scrat55]

not enough rhymes for me ... i rly like when it rhymes in every second line... makes it more poetic... but its nice...good poems, based on the same idea.

[andsnake]

There quite good, did u write them about sombody you love or loved? I off To the army the end of next month cus the contract of my last job ran out -_-

Thanks :)
actually i write them about a girl i like :P

[scrat55]

ooh i just noticed that u are an Army Man... well its kool for an Army guy... at least u have time to write them... i thought they would be more about war.. but thats not good, its better to be about love.

[andsnake]

actually, everyday from 2:00 to 4:30 pm, we have free time to rest from the training, and so when i do not feel like sleeping , i write poems :P

[Cage_Warrs_FTW]

hi, i'm curently serving my country as a soldier,(you see every 18year old and above, once he finishes school is obligated to serve in the army for 2 years)

Damn, what country you in :S and everyone does that for two years :O

not enough rhymes for me ... i rly like when it rhymes in every second line... makes it more poetic... but its nice...

I agree with Scrat here, prefer more rhymes in there, but overall not bad m8, thumbs up from meh ^_^

[iNs@nE]

Rhyming helps. And you wrote poems and not poets. :(

[danse]

I like'em in the way they are

off-topic : two years, what the hell ?

[ChojiroShintaro]

My honest opinion is that they're not very good. I love giving criticism...
Now, I'm a gigantic fan of rhyming and alliteration, and you don't have much of either to be honest. The structure of your poems also isn't very impressive. Some of the lines sounded really corny to me, but I guess if you main language was English then it would sound better. Do you spend long on each poem?

P.S. I've met people over the internet who have to enter the army at such and such time. I hope it's not bad.

[andsnake]

off-topic : two years, what the hell ?

You see half of my country (Cyprus), is occupied by Turkey**, and so in order to stop further advance of Turkey we must go to the army and guard the boarders.








(**Just a litle info:in 1974 Turkry initiated an invansion on my country (Cyprus) , taking almost half of the island.For the rest google it if you want(the first 6 web pages give sufficient information on this subject))

[danse]

hym, well that's sad.

[exclamatio]

your beauty cannot be described
in these simple words in lines!

i really liked that bit