Transexuals disclosing their real gender

[Deva]

Just a bit of a discussion really, because it's quite a controversial topic and not really a debate per se.

What is firstly your opinions on them?

Now regarding them dating I've seen quite a few TV shows that claim they shouldn't have to tell their partner that they were born male and it is up to them to disclose. What is your opinion on this?

I find it scary that once the surgeries and everything are complete, their birth certificates, passports, everything is changed to show they're female or male and you're just relying on their morality to tell you the truth. Would this bother you if you dated someone for a long period of time and found them out?

No hate intended towards anyone in the LGBT community, but like I say it is quite controversial at this current point in time.

 

[LordDemonMan]

I don't think it's an issue at all. You date a person, not their genitalia.
And nobody owes you anything, least of all their personal history.

 

[Justei]

I don't think it's an issue at all. You date a person, not their genitalia.
And nobody owes you anything, least of all their personal history.

While that is completely true, I feel that if you are going to date someone seriously. Then you should tell them you are trans, not because of homophobia or other reasons like that though.

But because in a serious relationship, a lot of people have the ultimate goal of having children. And if that's not a possibility then that's a dealbreaker for a lot of people (and that's also OK, we all want different things in life).

Do they need to say something on the first date? No. Should they say something as soon as things get serious? Yes.

Another reason is that holding something like that a secret is actually quite a big deal, I would feel lied to and I would have trouble trusting my SO if she told me this. If she was honest about it after a shorter while, then I wouldn't have a problem with it if I loved her (not having kids is a dealbreaker to me though, so there's that).

 

[exclamatio]

You're just relying on the morality of anyone to tell you their truth anyway, so that doesn't change with how many dicks they have.

But to me personally, I would want to know if the person was comfortable enough telling me. I like to think it shouldn't matter in a relationship, as you could still adopt.

 

[Justei]

You're just relying on the morality of anyone to tell you their truth anyway, so that doesn't change with how many dicks they have.

But to me personally, I would want to know if the person was comfortable enough telling me. I like to think it shouldn't matter in a relationship, as you could still adopt.

That's very true (that you can adopt). But I still think the partner has the right to choose if they want that. And not telling someone you're trans is kind of like choosing that for them.

I wish more people would adopt, I think that's just a moral thing to do. But I also completely support people having the right to make that choice for themselves.

 

[Henmoro]

My thoughts on it, Which being gay my self, I feel that even if you're transsexual, You should at least get to know the person before you even try to date them...
Then over a period of time before any dating happens, I do feel it's fair to at least tell the person instead of lying to them, or neglecting to tell them, Because what if the other person wants babies?
If they don't know that you can't produce that, and they find out why, in the long run that'll be worse on you, and the relationship you've tried to create.
I feel, that there is someone out there for everyone, and if it's meant to be, even after telling that you have had a sex change, than it'll happen!
It wouldn't be fair to lie... Even if you did lie, it wouldn't last, because you can never had the truth!
--
My thoughts anyways.

 

[Deva]

While that is completely true, I feel that if you are going to date someone seriously. Then you should tell them you are trans, not because of homophobia or other reasons like that though.

But because in a serious relationship, a lot of people have the ultimate goal of having children. And if that's not a possibility then that's a dealbreaker for a lot of people (and that's also OK, we all want different things in life).

Do they need to say something on the first date? No. Should they say something as soon as things get serious? Yes.

Another reason is that holding something like that a secret is actually quite a big deal, I would feel lied to and I would have trouble trusting my SO if she told me this. If she was honest about it after a shorter while, then I wouldn't have a problem with it if I loved her (not having kids is a dealbreaker to me though, so there's that).

Agreed. Though I'm shocked at most of the replies, I would expect at least one person to have an issue with it, but kudos to you all for being so open minded when it comes to a subject like this.

Personally I would be angry and annoyed if this wasn't disclosed and I found out at a later date (assuming things got intimate). I personally believe that you should be made aware before anything sexual happens for both parties sake.

Firstly, how many times have you heard about someone being beaten for not disclosing this (dangerous for the trans-person); I'd also like to disclose I wouldn't react this way, but I know a lot of people who would and heard of many cases where it's happened. It's undeniable that most people within society are becoming more acceptable of the LGBT community, however it's also obvious there are still those very against it to the point violence has arisen and undoubtably will continue, which leads into my next point.

Secondly (and no doubt I'll get a lot of criticism for this point), no matter how much you disguise the external appearance, internally they are still male from their chromosomes to anatomy and no amount of hormone therapy or surgery can change that unfortunately (I do sympathise for people not being who they feel they are). Most people do want children at some point and whilst you can go down other routes to obtain them, I'm sure most guys would feel cheated out of not having the possibility within that relationship.

 

[XcvcX]

I don't believe it's right at all - it's one thing to be gay, it's another to want to change your sex because you believe you should be of the other gender. I personally think it's a huge huge huge chemical imbalance to make one think they're actually a man in a woman's body.

In regards to dating someone who was once a man and now a woman - I would be disgusted and probably go ape poop crazy. I don't personally know and hope I never have to but one should always disclose anything of that nature - no pun intended

 

[Cyndaquil]

I don't believe it's right at all - it's one thing to be gay, it's another to want to change your sex because you believe you should be of the other gender. I personally think it's a huge huge huge chemical imbalance to make one think they're actually a man in a woman's body.

In regards to dating someone who was once a man and now a woman - I would be disgusted and probably go ape poop crazy. I don't personally know and hope I never have to but one should always disclose anything of that nature - no pun intended

Well obviously you are MAJORLY misinformed about this.

 

[XcvcX]

Well obviously you are MAJORLY misinformed about this.

What are you talking about?

Where in my post am I MAJORLY misinformed, Dr. Cyndaquil?

 

[Cyndaquil]

What are you talking about?

Where in my post am I MAJORLY misinformed, Dr. Cyndaquil?

Your naive attitude to the Transgender community is absolutely absurd. Anyone who has gone through the psychological and physical struggle of transforming into their true gender is a magnificent beauty. I wouldn't expect someone with your attitude to understand anything which is actually under discussion in this thread.

A person which has gone through enough pain and abuse throughout their life has ever single right to be loved regardless of if they tell you their original sex. It actually shouldn't matter what their sex is - you should be loving them for who they are and not what they are and that is where your misinformed understanding of this subject comes into question.

I could go on but I feel I am wasting my time.

 

[XcvcX]

Your naive attitude to the Transgender community is absolutely absurd. Anyone who has gone through the psychological and physical struggle of transforming into their true gender is a magnificent beauty. I wouldn't expect someone with your attitude to understand anything which is actually under discussion in this thread.

A person which has gone through enough pain and abuse throughout their life has ever single right to be loved regardless of if they tell you their original sex. It actually shouldn't matter what their sex is - you should be loving them for who they are and not what they are and that is where your misinformed understanding of this subject comes into question.

I could go on but I feel I am wasting my time.

I'm not quite sure you read my post - I believe you let your emotions get in the way of your words.

I never said I hated them or that you shouldn't love someone because of their choice - I said I believe it's a "huge huge huge" chemical imbalance, which it really is. I can pull up research papers and scientific articles discussing this, in a couple days when I have time to go through my history.

My second response was for the OP's question. I'm sorry but anyone who decides to date you or even marry you without letting you know they had a sex change is absolutely absurd - regardless of what emotions and pains they may have gone through. You have no right to keep something so major such as a sex change from someone.

You don't have to go on though - we're all entitled to our opinions

 

[ChewBecca]

I don't get this babies business.

You can have a heterosexual relationship with a man and woman who were assigned their correct gender, and cant have children. They cant conceive, IVF doesn't work etc. So what then? They split up because one wants to have children? Don't be ridiculous, they stay together because they love each other, and care for each other and take other measures if they want to have children. They adopt.

Its the same thing. One cant have children, because well, their reproductive organs aren't in a fit state to reproduce...

AND, gay couples. Gay couples have children. It wont be 100% their baby, but a child which they care for and love.

 

[Cyndaquil]

I don't get this babies business.

You can have a heterosexual relationship with a man and woman who were assigned their correct gender, and cant have children. They cant conceive, IVF doesn't work etc. So what then? They split up because one wants to have children? Don't be ridiculous, they stay together because they love each other, and care for each other and take other measures if they want to have children. They adopt.

Its the same thing. One cant have children, because well, their reproductive organs aren't in a fit state to reproduce...

AND, gay couples. Gay couples have children. It wont be 100% their baby, but a child which they care for and love.

I would love a child one day.

I personally think it's a huge huge huge chemical imbalance to make one think they're actually a man in a woman's body.

I would be disgusted and probably go ape poop crazy.

This says your opinion on Transgender people very clearly. You may realise that the articles you read may not be from founded sources, or ones which are authentic information. But please do send them this way.

 

[ChewBecca]

Adding to the conversation, Yes, Transsexuals should disclose that they are trans. Just the same that you would if you have Aids/HIV, or children. Its a big part of your life which should be common knowledge. It shouldn't be something which you open a first date with, because you get uneducated views on transgender people as demonstrated in this thread.
I am sure that ragezone has its own residential Trans? Maybe she would like to add to the discussion from a first hand opinion. (once I remember her forum name )

Edit:

Adding something else, They're not sex offenders. And to be quite honest, a lot of Trans people openly admit that they are.
When I was at college, a classmate introduced himself with the following "Hi, I'm Dave and I'm gay" I really didn't, or couldn't give a poop that he is gay, and thinking back, I feel sorry that he felt the need to introduce himself, and define himself as gay.

 

[Deva]

Adding to the conversation, Yes, Transsexuals should disclose that they are trans. Just the same that you would if you have Aids/HIV, or children. Its a big part of your life which should be common knowledge. It shouldn't be something which you open a first date with, because you get uneducated views on transgender people as demonstrated in this thread.
I am sure that ragezone has its own residential Trans? Maybe she would like to add to the discussion from a first hand opinion. (once I remember her forum name )

Edit:

Adding something else, They're not sex offenders. And to be quite honest, a lot of Trans people openly admit that they are.
When I was at college, a classmate introduced himself with the following "Hi, I'm Dave and I'm gay" I really didn't, or couldn't give a poop that he is gay, and thinking back, I feel sorry that he felt the need to introduce himself, and define himself as gay.

Firstly I lol'd at relating major events such as a sex change or having HIV/AIDS to having children. Not calling you out, just laughed when I read it... But I agree with you and Xcvcx to a degree, it should be told to their potential partner and whilst I agree that you shouldn't have to define yourself or introduce yourself as such to any Tom, penis or Harry; you definitely should if there's a potential for a relationship to be romantic. Now as we can see between the disparity of opinions here, most people won't be affected and the rest wouldn't as long as the trans-person was forthcoming before anything got intimate.

But I digress and will play Devils advocate. Regardless of the amount of surgeries on the exterior and hormones exogenously introduced to the body, they will still be (internally) a male with XY chromosomes (there are obvious intersex cases and cases where males are born with XX chromosomes and this is a minor exception). A lot of men will always have a problem with this and will see the reconstructive surgery on the genitalia as just a mutilated penis, which will be distressing for some if things have got intimate by that point. If that happens to be the wrong guy then it's going to be a dangerous situation.

Personally I couldn't care and think that regardless of how well anyone can photograph or cherry pick their pictures, in person it's still obvious and yes I have met a few thai girls (not in that way you pervs) and only once was I shocked. But I would be annoyed if someone kept that from me.

 

[SYJourney]

When I clicked this thread I assumed it was about people who play a character of a different gender in an MMORPG xD

But it's very interesting to read all these opinions. I definitely agree that noone should feel forced to disclose something like this before they feel comfortable wtih it and that the other person will be accepting of it. And I also think that it's gonna vary from person to person. Maybe they dont want anything to do with their past gender or maybe they feel their story is a part of them and that they want to share as soon as possible.

Me personnally, I wouldn't even care, like I cant understand how this is important unless you really want biological children, which is also just a pure emotional thing. or does anyone seriously think adopted children < biological?

 

[Supicioso]

I'm pretty sure 99% of the people here who think they wouldn't have a problem, would have a major problem if it happened to them. Because the moment they tell you they used to be either male or female, you'll always see them as such, then you'll likely ask yourself if you're gay. It's a question most people don't contemplate after their teen years. Or maybe I'm the one with a the twisted views on life.

In short. No, I don't think they have to divulge it. The saying goes, ignorance is bliss. If my SO was male at some point. I'd rather not know. I couldn't care less about having kids, because they're a major waste of space and money for at minimum 20 years. So yeah. Kids aren't a factor, and I would simply rather not know. If I did, I wouldn't care. Or at least I tell myself I wouldn't care.