Jack Bauer For The Win!

As We All Know, Jack Bauer Is The Main Ass-Kicked In "24". People Have Been Led To Believe Chuck Norris Is Infact The Hardest Man Ever To Have Lived, But That's Not True. Here Are Random Facts About Jack Bauer:

* The term "jackin off" now means killing 50 terrorists in 2 minutes.
* When Jack Bauer shoots his load, his wife has to wear a kevlar vest.
* Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
* Jack Bauer can fit 21GB on a 20GB Ipod. Then again Jack Bauer doesn't use Ipod's because Ipod's are for girls and terrorists. Jack Bauer uses Creative Zen!
* If everyone followed Jack Bauer's instructions on "24", it would have to be renamed "12".
* Jack Bauer was in last years season of "Skating with Celebrities". The show never aired because he hid in the air ducts, then killed everyone and faked his own death.
* A terrorist once killed himself so Jack Bauer did not torture him. Jack just laughed, brought him back to life, and tortured him.
* If Jack Bauer were to be elected President of the United States, Iraq would be a democratic nation.
* Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
* Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.
* Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
* If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.


All You Pretenders To The Throne!! Jack Bauer Is King!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
that shit is as hilarius as Chauck Norris random facts xD

Haha. Good stuff.

theres no haha here, this is serious stuff


lol i love it :D

:icon6:
lmao thats ace

The last one is pretty damn funny.

hahaha, jokes =p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AlLoCuRa

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
that shit is as hilarius as Chauck Norris random facts xD

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What he said :P

Good stuff. :D

Please find/make more :P

chuck got pwnd , anyway , funny jokes

haha hilarious mate.

* Because of Jack Bauer, the life expectancy of all Middle Eastern countries has been shortened by fifty years.
* Micheal Jackson's face is was not the work of plastic surgeons. It was Jack Bauer. Jack smacked the Black out of him.
* If God was one of us, He'd be terrified of Jack Bauer.
* If O.J. Simpson ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess.
* The last time Jack Bauer got angry... Germany surrendered.
* The first Jack-In-The-Boxes were used as interrogation tools by the U.S. government. However, they grew out of use due to the fact that terrorists would die at the mere sight of Bauer's face popping out of the box.
* Jack Bauer doesn't die when he gets shot, he get's even.
* Jack Bauer's blood type is testosterone.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Jack Bauer once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Jack Bauer kills more Terrorists than Suicide Bombers.
* Jack Bauer taught his kids to be potty trained by pointing a gun at their heads and strapping their arms to a nuclear device; they had 3 minutes.
* Jack Bauer is the only man known in the world to block one of Chuck Norris’ patented roundhouse kicks. Even more impressive, he countered it with a pistol whip to the back of Walker: Texas Ranger's head.
* Jack Bauer took a shit and named it Steven Seagal.
* Jack Bauer delivered himself by Cesarean section.
* Watch film of the Berlin Wall coming down. If you look close, through the dust, you'll see Jack Bauer walking away carrying a sledge hammer.
* A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Unless the bird is in Jack Bauer's hand. Then that fucking bird is dead.

A couple of those are from Chuck Norris :P

* All Quotes About Chuck Norris Apply To Jack Bauer Also , Since Jack Bauer Ate Chuck Norris.