I know I'm sick (and i feel)...
The Lobster Story
One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery,
Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she
thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed,
she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar
to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina
erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has
ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few
minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a
burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming
wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics
arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the
floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe.
Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.
The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed
her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to
straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up.
When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out,
he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger
than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her
genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping
sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that
was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of
mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on
the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself
back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet
as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face
down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific
that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with
baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a
furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until
you hear how it happened:
Ms. DeLucci's death was the result of a combination
of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over
the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had
done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her
head on the toilet and then on the floor.
It is believed by police that two nights before
the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a
fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted
the creature's tail into her vagina to derive physical
pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the
creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a
violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table
in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the
kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces
of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along
with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between
the lobsters' tail joints. The lobster's face was
lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
The lobster's digestive track and colon were found
to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe
that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in
the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out
into Ms.DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it.
Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and
Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
period. Doctors believe that at that point of her
menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance
to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold
throughout the US. Overnight the eggs had hatched
and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
minutes!!! You can imagine the pain she was in when
she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over
1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
:dry:
