These are a few jokes that I thought were funny. :laugh:
Enjoy. :rofl:
Cheating Wife
A man calls home to check on his wife. His daughter answers the phone.
Girl: Hello
Man: Hi honey is your mother in?
Girl: Yes daddy, she's upstairs with uncle Fred.
Man: But honey you don't have an uncle Fred.
Girl: Yes I do, he's with mummy in bed.
Man: Really. Honey do me a favour and tell mummy that I have just pulled up into the driveway because I finished work early today.
Girl: OK daddy.
The girl goes upstairs and tells her mother. All that can be heard are screams and the sound of glass breaking.
Girl: OK daddy I did it.
Man: Good. But was all the noise?
Girl: Well mummy started to panic so she jumped out of the window. She's dead now.
Man: OK. But what happened to uncle Fred?
Girl: Oh he started to panic so he jumped out the window into the swimming pool, but he didn't know that you emptied the pool to get cleaned.
Man: Swimming pool? I don't have a swimming pool. Sorry I think I dialed the wrong number.
Stupid Blonde Mum
A blonde is walking down the street. Her blouse is undun and her right breast is hanging out. A police officer goes up to her.
Cop: Excuse me miss.
Blonde: Hello officer what can I do for you?
Cop: Did you know that I can arrest you for indecent exposure?
Blonde: But why would you do that?
Cop: Because your right breast is hanging out.
The blonde looks down at her breast.
Blonde: Oh shit I've left the baby on the bus again.
Necropheliac
A man and his friend are sitting in a bar.
Man 1: Uh mate I scored last night. It was amazing.
Man 2: Really. What happened?
Man 1: Well I was walking home last night and I found a woman tied to the rail tracks. I untied her and took her home, after I got her cleaned up we ended up having sex in every room in the house and in every position imagionable.
Man 2: So was she pretty?
Man 1: I don't know I couldn't find her head.
