rate my poem

i got an english assignment to make a poem of 200 words and its due in 2 days
not sure if my poem is any good or not
so if u could, pls read, rate (out of 10) and tell me wat u think its about and wat message it sends to you. and anything u can see that needs improving.
thanx,
rish
p.s.- pls be as honest as possible

8/10

it's good maybe it's about a life that everyone lives filled with fear, hate, anger and pain aswell as the life that people want with hope and hjoy with no restraints or consiquence.

tho i have no idea y the army of hate has to be terracota.

Hmm... 7/10.

It's alright... bit difficult for me to read, though. (Most poems are, and they almost never rate higher then a 7 or 8.)


Sounds to me like there's some sort of war going on... not nessesarily a war like one of the world wars, though. A war with-in ones self is also a war.

7/10 also, I think it's quite good and like some of the wording but you can't really beat a ryhmeing poem :) few more rhymes and it would own. But yes very nice.

-Mattio

thanx :)

lol, its actually supposed to be about a person who has had their life full of pain and missery who goes to a therapist ("he" is the therapist) and how the therapist plays with their mind and analyses them

keeping that in-mind does the poem fit the subject matter?

btw, rayne, it was meant to be "mound" not "mount" i checked for errors :)

edit: the terracotta army took along time to make, where it stayed undisturbed for many years until it was unearthed. now apply this to the hatred building unside sumbody. hence: the "terracotta army of hate"

9/10, Very deep, I loved the
"Probing the mind
Like the corridors of time
The memories of a life before the death
The torment of a child in exile
Skin-deep is all a lie"

Also poems don't have to rhyme, I prefer it if they don't rhyme. Overall a good piece of work.

Don't hand in an English Assignment with 'ur' in it for god's sake. That aside, it's better than most. Good stuff.

lol, omg i missed that Vasch XD
thanx (soo used to typing it i dont see it as a gramatical error :P)

7/10 - why? Because I am to lazy to read it and this is the average score people give you.

NoPeace - out

thanx nopeace.... i think

8/10 cuz i can do better lol jk

i write a lot of poems m8, ive had 1 or 2 published in the past and id say that this is definately a good piece of art

i like the way it flows, decent mix of vocab fealt quie easy to read

im normally not a fan of longer poems as the writer can get carried away but it was all split up very nicely

it did feel like there was possibly a missing full stop or 2 at the start, but apart from that i really like it

btw how old r u m8?

wow, thanx ex :D
yea, this is just my un-punctuated draft, will add thoes in later

and i'm turning 16 in 2 1/2 weeks :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rishwin

thanx :)

lol, its actually supposed to be about a person who has had their life full of pain and missery who goes to a therapist ("he" is the therapist) and how the therapist plays with their mind and analyses them

keeping that in-mind does the poem fit the subject matter?

btw, rayne, it was meant to be "mound" not "mount" i checked for errors :)

edit: the terracotta army took along time to make, where it stayed undisturbed for many years until it was unearthed. now apply this to the hatred building unside sumbody. hence: the "terracotta army of hate"

---

oh right well that makes alot of sense now but i don't think it says anything about a therapist. apart from that it's pretty good. :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Flameingskull

but i don't think it says anything about a therapist.

---

its not meant to ^^ :)

GOOD Rish ^_^ 8.5/10

Good work man. Nice poem I rate it 8.5/10

i really liked it !! 9/10 from me :D

cheers guys, i just submitied it today, and i should get the results back on monday
*fingers crossed* :)

Nice poem 7/10.

Goodluck.

I have national acclaim for my poetry, and I believe I will be most accurate in rating your poem.

Before I score you, I am going to explain why it is you have been designated whatever it is that I have marked your poem. To intial, lose the ebbing approach, it's a disgusting overture in every facit of literature. As for the diction, it's ok, but definately not extroadinary. There is not a single sybol, and that makes your poem worthless; a short story of more. An pathos short story, just a brief summary in your own feelings. Most people don't seem to understand this, that is why there is a lot of this. Which is another reason why I have NEVER lost a poetry slam, or even come in third place in a competition. I give this poem a one out of ten.

Try reading some poetry by published authors, they will be able to direct you on what poetry is.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by locust

I have national acclaim for my poetry, and I believe I will be most accurate in rating your poem.

Before I score you, I am going to explain why it is you have been designated whatever it is that I have marked your poem. To intial, lose the ebbing approach, it's a disgusting overture in every facit of literature. As for the diction, it's ok, but definately not extroadinary. There is not a single sybol, and that makes your poem worthless; a short story of more. An pathos short story, just a brief summary in your own feelings. Most people don't seem to understand this, that is why there is a lot of this. Which is another reason why I have NEVER lost a poetry slam, or even come in third place in a competition. I give this poem a one out of ten.

Try reading some poetry by published authors, they will be able to direct you on what poetry is.

---

calm down man,
a) its my FIRST poem i've ever written in mah life
b) its only for a year 11 english assignment
c) i did read poems by published (and dead) authors but didn't like them
d) a poem is as i believe, an expression of ones feelings
f) omg i forgot "e)" I FAILED LITERATURE!!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rishwin

i got an english assignment to make a poem of 200 words and its due in 2 days
not sure if my poem is any good or not
so if u could, pls read, rate (out of 10) and tell me wat u think its about and wat message it sends to you. and anything u can see that needs improving.
thanx,
rish
p.s.- pls be as honest as possible

---

^.^^
7.5/10

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by locust

I have national acclaim for my poetry, and I believe I will be most accurate in rating your poem.

Before I score you, I am going to explain why it is you have been designated whatever it is that I have marked your poem. To intial, lose the ebbing approach, it's a disgusting overture in every facit of literature. As for the diction, it's ok, but definately not extroadinary. There is not a single sybol, and that makes your poem worthless; a short story of more. An pathos short story, just a brief summary in your own feelings. Most people don't seem to understand this, that is why there is a lot of this. Which is another reason why I have NEVER lost a poetry slam, or even come in third place in a competition. I give this poem a one out of ten.

Try reading some poetry by published authors, they will be able to direct you on what poetry is.

---

thats a bit harsh especially since it's a poem written by a kid in secondary school. c'mon seriousley it was a good poem just because u can do better don't rub it in.

meany :(

WWOOHOOO!!!

i got an A for the poem
but a C for the crappy essay i wrote about it

overall: B grade :D
cheers for the output guys :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rishwin

WWOOHOOO!!!

i got an A for the poem
but a C for the crappy essay i wrote about it

overall: B grade :D
cheers for the output guys :)

---

Congratulations.

I give it a 10 and oooooooo got a F f0r finding a poem on the ineternt and using that lmao... and it was a major assignment.. I still past with a 68%