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- Sep 29, 2003
- Messages
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Skinny Dipping
A old Florida farmer decided to visit a pond in the back of his property that he had not visited in a long time.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he discovered a bunch of young women were skinny dipping in his pond.
He politely made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to see you skinny dipping.
I'm just here to feed the alligator."
Moral of the story: Old age, cunning and treachery will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.
Girl Power
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Russia, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Italy. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an IRISH girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye!
Afghan Diplomat
An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department.
The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul,
"A man is sitting on the well!"
Letter To Mom
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.
With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.
I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But is not only that Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy that we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
PS:
Mom, it's not true.
I'm at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer...I love you!
Shari
One Wish
"I'm a one-wish genie, the genie said after the woman had found and rubbed the bottle.. So.. What'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map?
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.
These countries have been at war for thousands of years.
I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.
I'm good but not THAT good!
I don't think it can be done.
Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.
You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.
That is what I wish for... a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that freakin' map again."
A old Florida farmer decided to visit a pond in the back of his property that he had not visited in a long time.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he discovered a bunch of young women were skinny dipping in his pond.
He politely made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to see you skinny dipping.
I'm just here to feed the alligator."
Moral of the story: Old age, cunning and treachery will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.
Girl Power
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Russia, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Italy. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an IRISH girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye!
Afghan Diplomat
An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department.
The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul,
"A man is sitting on the well!"
Letter To Mom
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.
With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.
I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But is not only that Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy that we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
PS:
Mom, it's not true.
I'm at the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer...I love you!
Shari
One Wish
"I'm a one-wish genie, the genie said after the woman had found and rubbed the bottle.. So.. What'll it be?"
The woman did not hesitate.
She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.
See this map?
I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.
These countries have been at war for thousands of years.
I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.
I'm good but not THAT good!
I don't think it can be done.
Make another wish and please be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man.
You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.
That is what I wish for... a good man."
The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that freakin' map again."
