1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the
car in front of you, or the space will be filled by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with
the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of
getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it
will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance
company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop
signs.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut
in line by passing you on the right, as you sit in the left lane waiting for the
same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction
barrels.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS
kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For
those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to
scare people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently
not enforceable during rush hour.
10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move
over, doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't
think he can go faster in your spot.
11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light
changes.
12. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever
means necessary.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the
car in front of you, or the space will be filled by somebody else putting you in an
even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with
the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of
getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it
will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance
company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop
signs.
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut
in line by passing you on the right, as you sit in the left lane waiting for the
same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction
barrels.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS
kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For
those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to
scare people entering the highway.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently
not enforceable during rush hour.
10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move
over, doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't
think he can go faster in your spot.
11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light
changes.
12. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever
means necessary.
