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commie's words to the wise

Sep 29, 2003
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1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

5. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

6. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

7. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

8. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

9. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

10. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

11. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

12. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

13. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

14. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

15. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn..that was fun!