Accosting the Oscar Meyer.
Addressing Mr. Palmer.
Appropriate the means.
Arm aerobics.
Backstroke Roulette.
Battling the purple-helmeted warrior.
Bash the bishop.
Beat off.
Beat Pete.
Beat the bologna.
Beat the meat.
Beat the stick.
Bleed the lizard.
Bleed the weed.
Bloating the vein.
Blow your load.
Bludgeon the beefsteak.
Bombing the German helmet.
Bop the baloney.
Boxin' the Ballsack.
Break one off.
Buck the bone.
Buff the banana.
Buff the wood.
Burp the baldman.
Burp the worm.
Bust a nut.
Butter the corn.
Caulk the tile.
Charge the rod.
Charm the snake.
Check the oil.
Choke the chicken.
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come.
Chong your schlong.
Churning butter.
Clean your rifle.
Closing the deal.
Come into your own.
Converse with Harry Palm.
Crab tease.
Crack off a batch.
Cracking the bat.
Crank the shank.
Cream the cheeze.
Cream your corn.
Cream your jeans.
Creamed beef.
Crown the king.
Cuff the carrot.
Date Rosy palm and her 5 sisters.
Diddle.
Diddling the dinky.
Dilly with the willy.
Discipline your soldier.
Discussing Uganda.
Doin' the Hand Jive.
Donkey Spank.
Drain the monster.
Drain the main vein.
Educating Peter.
Empty the cannon.
Erupting Vesuvius.
Evicting the testicular squatters.
Exercise your rights.
Express yourself.
Feed the ducks.
Feed the fist.
Fight the Champ.
Firing the flesh musket.
Fire the hand cannon.
Fist f!#k.
Five against one.
Five knuckle shuffle.
Flick the dick.
Flog the dog.
Flog the hog.
Flog the infidel.
Floggin' the Dolphin.
Floggin' the log.
Flub the Dub.
Fondle the fig.
Free Willy.
Free the slaves.
Gallop the antelope.
Getting comfortable.
Getting in touch with your inner-self.
Give it a tug.
Givin' Yul Brenner a high-five.
Go a couple rounds with the champ.
Go to war with yourself.
Grab the flab.
Grease the Goofy.
Grease the pipe.
Grip the tip.
Hack the hog.
Hack off.
Hand job.
Hand to gland combat.
Hand work.
Have it off.
Having a whack attack.
Having a staff meeting.
Herkin the Gherkin.
Hit on Rosy Palm.
Hitchhike under the big top.
Hump the horn.
Hump your hose.
Hold the bold.
Hold the mayo.
Hotdog-a-rama.
1 Ignite the Lightsaber.
Infiltrate your crabs.
Innoculate the newborn.
Jackhammer.
Jack off.
Jack the corn.
Jack the sack.
Jack the joystick.
Jack your Jizz.
Jack your monkey.
Jack yourself.
Jack 'n the beanstalk.
Jam the joystick.
Jerk off.
Jerk the Gherkin.
Jerk the Turk.
Jerk your rope.
Jerkin' the noodle.
Jerkin' the wheel.
Juice your fruit.
Kill the Pope.
Knock on wood.
Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump.
Launching the Tadpoles.
Lightening the load.
Lighting the candle.
Little pinky hit the slinky.
Loading the cannon.
Lope the mule.
Lube the cord.
Make the bald man puke.
Make silly with the willy.
Making a six-fist.
Manipulate the mango.
Manistrupation.
Mannin' the Cannon.
Manual override.
Manually assisted wet dream.
Massage the one-eyed monk.
Maximize your potency.
Meet your right-hand man.
Messin' with Moby.
Milk the lizard.
Milk the maggot.
Mount a corporal and a four.
Murder the Bishop.
Nerk your throbber.
Oil the glove.
One-eye target practice.
One-man show.
One off the wrist.
Oscillating the Oscar Meyer.
Pack your palm.
Packaging the ol' sausage.
Paddle the pickle.
Paint the pickle.
Paint the ceiling.
Passing math.
Pat the Robertson.
Perm your poodle.
Petting the snake.
Petting the Wookie.
Play with your Willy Wanker.
Playing the fiddle.
Playing the flesh trombone.
Playin' the hairy banjo.
Playing the man-flute.
Playing the pink oboe.
Playing a solo on your meat whistle.
Playing soapy Peter.
Playing with the pink Power Ranger.
Playing with your 6th finger.
Playing with your big Alien.
Please your pisser.
Pluckin' your chicken.
Plunk your twanger.
Pocket pinball.
Pocket pool.
Pocket the rocket.
Polish the bayonet.
Polish the knob.
Polish the pole.
Polish the rocket.
Polish the shooter.
Polish the sword.
Polish the Viper.
Polish your antlers.
Polish your helmet.
Polish your horn.
Portuguese Pump.
Pound off.
Pound the bobo.
Pound the pelican.
Pound the pudding.
Pound your flounder.
Pound your pud.
Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin.
Practice the Heimlich Maneuver.
Prime the womb cannon.
Puff the one-eyed dragon.
2 Pull off.
Pull the ducks neck.
Pull the root.
Pull the pole.
Pull the pope.
Pull your pud.
Pull the pudding.
Pull your prick.
Pulling on Peter.
Pulling the goalie.
Pummel the love truncheon.
Pump the monkey.
Pump the python.
Pumping gas at the self-service island.
Punching the clown.
Punchin' the Munchkin'
Punching your puppet.
Punish the penguin.
Raise the flag.
Rake your meat.
Ram the ham.
Ravage the innocent.
Read 'em his rights.
Rewinding your tape.
Ride the great white knuckler.
Ringing for the elevator.
Rolfing the piglet.
Rob the knob.
Rolling your quarters.
Rope the goat.
Rope the pony.
Rough up the suspect.
Rub off.
Rub one out.
Rub the tub.
Run a batch.
Running Peter through two-a-days.
Running the whack-a-thon.
Sailors' joy.
Salute the sailor.
Sanding the banister.
Shag.
Shake the snake.
Shake the weasel.
Shakin' hands with little Elvis.
Shakin' hands with Mr.
Winkie.
Shakin' hands with the unemployed.
Shakin' your own maracas.
Shifting gears.
Shine the barrel.
Shine your pole.
Shoe shine.
Shoot your squirt.
Shooting putty at the moon.
Shuffle the deck.
Single the dingles.
Siphoning off the tank.
Slakin' the bacon.
Slammin' the salmon.
Slam the ham.
Slam the hammer.
Slam the salomi.
Slam the spam.
Slap your head.
Slappin' Pappy.
Slappin' the Cap'n.
Slapping the clown.
Slapping the salomi.
Slaying the one-eyed monster.
Sling the jelly.
Slog the log.
Smacking the sausage.
Snap the carrot.
Snap the radish.
Snap the rubber.
Snap the whip.
Snuggle the nozzle.
Solo spit.
Spackling the ceiling.
Spam Wham.
Spank the carrot.
Spank the frank.
Spank the monkey.
Spank the wank.
Spank your little boy.
Spit one off.
Spit the seeds.
Spit-shining the boots.
Sprayin' the spectators.
Sprinklin' the lawn.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the lemon.
Squeezing the cream filling from the twinkie.
Squeezing the Creamy Filter.
Squeezing the squid.
Squirt one off.
Squirtin' Burton.
Strangle the dangle.
Stroking it.
Stroking Scooby.
3 Stroking the schlong.
Stroke off.
Stroke the dog.
Stroke the goat.
Stroke your ego.
Stroke your poker.
Stroke the trumpet.
Stroke your wookie.
Suffocate the organ.
Surfing on the Milky Highway.
Taffy pulling contest.
Taffy tugger.
Take a beating.
Take a load off your mind.
Take a ride on the mean spanking machine.
Take matters into your own hands.
Take ol' stiff neck to the movies.
Take yourself in hand.
Tame the monster.
Teach your dog to spit.
Tease the weenie.
Tenderize the meat.
Test the flashlight.
Thropping your marrow.
Throw the ball around.
Throw out.
Thump the pump.
Tickle your pickle.
Trim your antlers.
Trim your horn.
Torment the Trouser Trout.
Torquing the wrench.
Toss off.
Tossing the ham javelin.
Train the Love Porpoise.
Tug o' war with ol' Cyclops.
Tugging the tapioca tube.
Tuning the fork.
Turn the knob.
Tweak your twiddle.
Twirl the squirrel.
Twist your turnip.
Unleash the fury.
Unloading passengers from the five-car train.
Vaccinate the baby.
Varnish the flagpole.
Wack the weasel.
Walk the dog.
Walking old one-eye.
Wank.
Wank the crank.
Wanking one-eyed Willy.
Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm.
Warming up the altar boys' dinner.
Washing the hog.
Wave the wand.
Wax the bean.
Wax the board.
Wax the Buick.
Wax the candlestick.
Wax the carrot.
Wax the dolphin.
Wax the musket.
Wax the womb broom.
Wax your surfboard.
Whack off.
Whack on your back.
Whack little Mac.
Whack the pud.
Whack your Magic Johnson.
Whip off.
Whip the dummy.
Whip the wire.
Whip your dripper.
Whippin' the pony.
Wippin' the weasel.
Whipping your Skippy.
Whipping your Willy.
Whizzin' Jizzum.
Wonk your conker.
Work off.
Workin' the Jerkin.
Wrestle the eel.
Wrestle the bald-headed champion.
Wring out your rope.
Wringin' the towel.
Wringin' out the tube steak.
Yang your wang.
Yank off.
Yank the crank.
Yank the plank.
Yank the yam.
Yank the Yoda.
Yank your strap.
Yank your wank.
Yankee your Wankee.
Yuckin' your choad.
