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Not feeling so great.

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Yesterday, this girl I know pretty well and consider a friend, was asking me for advice about her relationship problem. Her boyfriend, another friend of mine, is convinced that she is his "one and only" and is serious about getting married after college and what not. Well, this freaked her out a little bit because she really deeply cares for him and loves him, but she was telling me that she wasn't sure that she wanted to settle down with him after college. "A lot can happen in that time frame," she said to me, "and I don't want to tie the knot without ever knowing if there is someone else that I'm "in love" with."

By this point she is getting teary eyed and just...she is just pouring her heart out to me. She mentions another guy that she has always had a crush on and doesn't know what to do about her current boyfriend. I know that she loves her boyfriend and that she doesn't want to break his heart and ruin what they have now, and on the other hand I can understand why she would want to know if there is anyone else besides him. At the same time, the guy she mentioned having a crush on, in my opinion, is a complete Ducking jerk off.

I question her about this guy and come to find out who it is. I immediately get kind of angry that she would want to be with such an idiot rather than her current boyfriend. I came across very harsh and she started to defend herself saying that she really loved her boyfriend and wouldn't do anything to hurt his feelings. Then I said some pretty mean things and she stormed off crying pretty hard.

I realize that I was acting like a complete idiot and wasn't being a helping friend like I should have. It made me feel really terrible and today I apologized for the way I acted. But, I saw the look on her face when she said it was ok and I knew that it really wasn't. I had made her feel like poop that day because I thought she was talking about deliberately cheating on her boyfriend. And after I saw the look on her face today, I started to think really long and hard on what she had told me yesterday and I understand what she was trying to say.

Now, even though I apologized and everything, I still feel like a heartless idiot.
 
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tell it how it is, best way to do things, u shudnt feel bad she loves an idiot. she asked for ur help and u did ur best.
 
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tell it how it is, best way to do things, u shudnt feel bad she loves an idiot. she asked for ur help and u did ur best.
She doesn't love an idiot. Her boyfriend is a really good guy and they both love each other. She just isn't so sure she loves him "that way" now. And she doesn't want to ruin everything they have if she isn't sure. And she was asking me for help because she doesn't know how to handle it.

She just mentioned another guy who is an idiot.
 
The Penguinator
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Maybe you should talk to her again and tell her what's on YOUR mind. And make sure she knows that you're still the friend she can go to when she needs help =)
 
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the one thing ive learned about girls, is that you should never judge them before you find out anything, and if you do judge, dont tell them :p

at least you apologized, she should at least stop being mad at you.
 
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I don't think she's mad at me still...but I just feel really bad for acting like that.
 
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I don't think she's mad at me still...but I just feel really bad for acting like that.

dont, id be pissed too if those were my thoughts, you just misinterpreted what she said, and acted on that, all you have to do is think things through a little more if this ever happens again.
 
duck you, I'm a dragon
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Just make her laugh by saying you had male PMS or something.. (which is real by the way)

Best way to get anger out of someones system is by making them laugh.

For real? o_O

Anyway, I think you should talk to her again if you think it is still bothering her. If it isn't, you should just get over it and learn from the experience I guess...
 
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It isn't something I can just get over instantly. I mean, it made me realize that I can be very cruel and ugly to people. That isn't something that just passes over. And this made me think about all the instances where I have behaved this way to people. And I'm trying to figure out why I'm such an idiot to people that I call friends. I think that it is partly due to the fact that I can take things very personally even when they aren't meant to be.

Don't think that this is an emo plea for help. I'm not depressed and I certainly won't end such a kickass life that is "me". :tongue:

But, this is one of those things that has a serious effect on you. I've been talking about it with my girlfriend and she told me that I can be very harsh and ugly when I'm angry or agitated with people. Hearing these things confirms that other people noticed it before I did and that makes me very angry because no one said anything to me about it. But, now that I've noticed it myself, I can see why people distance themselves from me whenever I'm angry about something. I've been thinking about all of this a lot and I want to change because it tore me up to see the sorrow in that girl's face and realize that I was the cause of it.
 
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It isn't something I can just get over instantly. I mean, it made me realize that I can be very cruel and ugly to people. That isn't something that just passes over. And this made me think about all the instances where I have behaved this way to people. And I'm trying to figure out why I'm such an idiot to people that I call friends. I think that it is partly due to the fact that I can take things very personally even when they aren't meant to be.

Don't think that this is an emo plea for help. I'm not depressed and I certainly won't end such a kickass life that is "me". :tongue:

But, this is one of those things that has a serious effect on you. I've been talking about it with my girlfriend and she told me that I can be very harsh and ugly when I'm angry or agitated with people. Hearing these things confirms that other people noticed it before I did and that makes me very angry because no one said anything to me about it. But, now that I've noticed it myself, I can see why people distance themselves from me whenever I'm angry about something. I've been thinking about all of this a lot and I want to change because it tore me up to see the sorrow in that girl's face and realize that I was the cause of it.

good for you :)

it takes a lot of guts to admit your faults, and a lot more to notice them
 
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She would understand if you could express to her the things you expressed here.

Especially this:
I saw the look on her face when she said it was ok and I knew that it really wasn't. I had made her feel like poop that day because I thought she was talking about deliberately cheating on her boyfriend. And after I saw the look on her face today, I started to think really long and hard on what she had told me yesterday and I understand what she was trying to say.

Now, even though I apologized and everything, I still feel like a heartless idiot.

It sounds like not only to you care about the friendship you have with your friend, but also the friendship you have developed with his girl. She has a lot on her mind right now, if she is feeling unsure about her relationship.

I think these feelings of uncertainty are normal in any serious relationship, and certainly better she has these doubts now before they become more committed. I can also say that from my own experiences and looking at others- relationships change over time. You start out "In-love" with someone but that feeling never lasts forever. You don't get the first kiss feeling ever again after that first kiss, so over time the "in-love" wears off, and what replaces it is a different kind of love (or lack of love) entirely, and since this feeling is new to her, and doesn't feel as deep (I think it is confusing because it is such a different feeling, and thus it makes it not feel as strong) this is probably where her uncertainty is coming from.

In regards to you and her now, well you are probably right, if you think she is still upset, if you can tell by looking at her. Keep trying, admit you made mistakes, and what they were. It sounds like from some of your later comments you have habits that you weren't even aware of, so you might even thank her for helping you to see that so you can work on changing. I think any sincere approach would be understood by her. Only time though, will really mend things over.

I hope you don't feel too badly, your intent was honorable, you didn't want her to cheat on your friend because you knew that would crush him, and also didn't really see it in her best interest as her friend either as the other guy is a jerk. Also out of the whole situation you learned some new things about yourself.

Talk to her again, be sincere and let time mend the rest. And next time you're angry or feel yourself getting angry you gotta try to be aware of your actions and body language.

(Yeah really easy to say, I've been through some similar situations myself, and I never handle things right at the time either. It does take a big person to admit they were wrong and try to change)

Good luck
 
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unfortunatley it seems like there's nothing you can do to make up for what you did, but lessen your guilt with the knowledgde that at least you tried.
 
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unfortunately even if the person does sincerely forgive you one day (not easy for people to do sometimes) you will still feel guilty. I've been called a heartless bastard many times, sometimes it made me feel terrible sinc ei didn't mean what i was saying, but other time i didn;t care since i jsut spoke the truth and didn't say anything i didn't mean. If you really meant it you could've tried to make it sound less harsh but sometimes you can't and you have to face that fact. Sorry if i sound harsh :p
 
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If you feel that the person that she has a crush on is complete Fag than don't feel sorry you are probably saving her future. I mean think about it if she changes her mind over a crush it just might ruin her life. Try speaking with her in a more friendlier tone and try to make her understand.
 
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Tell it like it is, I mean just make it known your sorry then if they can't forgive that EVERYONE has faults then they them selves aren't that understanding. As for this "crush" everyone has a crush, regardless if you have a boy/girlfreind. My freind will be walking with his girlfreind turn to me and makes gestures to say "woa shes fit" but we all know he wouldn't touch another girl with a barge pole.
 
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Go mud sliding in a thunderstorm. TRUST ME!


but srsly, there are people outside my dorm mud sliding down a slope :S


and as a side not

Here's a little song i wrote,
you might want to sing it note for note,
don't worry, be happy

in every life we have some trouble,
when you worry you make it double
don't worry, be happy

dont worry be happy now
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
aint got no place to lay your head,
somebody came and took your bed,
don't worry, be happy

the landlord say your rent is late,
he may have to litagate,
dont worry (small laugh) be happy,

look at me im happy,
don't worry, be happy

i give you my phone number,
when your worried, call me,
i make you happy

don't worry, be happy

aint got no cash, aint got no style,
aint got no gal to make you smile
but don't worry, be happy

cos when you worry, your face will frown,
and that will bring everybody down,
so don't worry, be happy

don't worry, be happy now...

don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy

now there this song i wrote
i hope you you learned it note for note
like good little children

dont worry be happy

listen to what i say
in your life expect some trouble
when you worry you make it double
dont worry be happy
be happy now

dont worry, be happy
dont worry, be happy
dont worry, be happy
dont worry, be happy
dont worry
dont worry be happy
don't worry, don't worry, don't do it,
be happy,put a smile on your face,
don't bring everybody down like this

don't worry, it will soon pass whatever it is,
don't worry, be happy,
i'm not worried
 
Rulling San d'Oria!
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Hey Iron don't beat yourself much about this, it normal to you to feel that way, this discussion you had with her will make her thing better about the subject. :thumbsup:
 
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Thanks people, for all of your input and comments. I had a long talk with her today and I expressed to her what I expressed her on the forums. She understood, things are much better and she doesn't blame me. I feel a bit better knowing this but I still need to figure out how to control my anger and impulses.
 
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