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- Apr 8, 2003
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Ok well my bro moved out a while ago and this has been sitting on his wardrobe for years...
1. Open your computer out of direct sunlight behind closed curtains.
2. Using the static strap supplied, remove any old processor chips from the socket on your motherboard and place them in the static-proof envelope. Not that youll ever use them again of course.
3. Remove the static strap and take out the 666 chip. Don't worry about static, nothing in THIS universe can harm it.
4. Wait for the ring of wailing and gnashing of teeth to subside. By this time the smell of burning flesh and blood should have gone and your vision should no longer be tainted with red
5. Place the 66 chip in your socket, making sure to put it upside down and index mark away from the index point
6. Wait for the screaming of eternal damnation to subside
7. Withdraw the power cords from the back of your machine and monitor. You won't be needing those anymore.
8. Remove any sound card (Adlib/Soundblaster etc) and disconnect the internal speaking. There are some things you just don't want to hear. If the computer wants your attention, believe me, it'll get it
9. Disconnect any heat or smoke detectors in the immediate vicinity as the 666 chip has a tendancy to trigger these for some reason. This is a known bug and nothing to worry about.
POWERING ON:
10. To power on the machine, simply reach for the power button as if to switch the machine on; the computer will do the rest.
WARNING1: Don't attempt to switch the machine off unless it has told you to do so.
WARNING2: Don't EVER touch the 'control' key. Best not even give it the illusion that you have any control. Better still, pry the keycap off or prefix "Control" with "No". (Make sure the word no NEVER gets worn off)
11. The startup test should run in the following order: Evil 1 thru 64, Pure Evil 1 thru 64, Pure Concentrated Evil 1 thru 64
12. You will notice that the brightness and contrast controls no longer work on your monitor. Disconnecting your screen won't help either.
13. Sooner or later you will realise that you can put as many floppies in the drive as you like, but none will come out. Ever.
14. Ever.
15. To use Intuitive FTP(tm), simply think of the disgusting images you would like to view. You will be logged in via anonymous FTP to the ftp site that currently has what you require.
16. It's probably not a good idea to allow other people to use your PC. Discourage them by hacking off their limbs with the rusty axe supplied.
17. Speaking of rusty axes, do not enter games like Quake or Dungeon. Consequences of doing this are indeterminate. Does anyone have use for Axe-Wielding Trolls and knife throwing dwarves?
Thank you for purchasing the 666 chip - it should provide you a lifetime's (hah!) serive...
Well thats it...Ouch my arms hurt >.< anyone else get a chuckle out of this?
1. Open your computer out of direct sunlight behind closed curtains.
2. Using the static strap supplied, remove any old processor chips from the socket on your motherboard and place them in the static-proof envelope. Not that youll ever use them again of course.
3. Remove the static strap and take out the 666 chip. Don't worry about static, nothing in THIS universe can harm it.
4. Wait for the ring of wailing and gnashing of teeth to subside. By this time the smell of burning flesh and blood should have gone and your vision should no longer be tainted with red
5. Place the 66 chip in your socket, making sure to put it upside down and index mark away from the index point
6. Wait for the screaming of eternal damnation to subside
7. Withdraw the power cords from the back of your machine and monitor. You won't be needing those anymore.
8. Remove any sound card (Adlib/Soundblaster etc) and disconnect the internal speaking. There are some things you just don't want to hear. If the computer wants your attention, believe me, it'll get it
9. Disconnect any heat or smoke detectors in the immediate vicinity as the 666 chip has a tendancy to trigger these for some reason. This is a known bug and nothing to worry about.
POWERING ON:
10. To power on the machine, simply reach for the power button as if to switch the machine on; the computer will do the rest.
WARNING1: Don't attempt to switch the machine off unless it has told you to do so.
WARNING2: Don't EVER touch the 'control' key. Best not even give it the illusion that you have any control. Better still, pry the keycap off or prefix "Control" with "No". (Make sure the word no NEVER gets worn off)
11. The startup test should run in the following order: Evil 1 thru 64, Pure Evil 1 thru 64, Pure Concentrated Evil 1 thru 64
12. You will notice that the brightness and contrast controls no longer work on your monitor. Disconnecting your screen won't help either.
13. Sooner or later you will realise that you can put as many floppies in the drive as you like, but none will come out. Ever.
14. Ever.
15. To use Intuitive FTP(tm), simply think of the disgusting images you would like to view. You will be logged in via anonymous FTP to the ftp site that currently has what you require.
16. It's probably not a good idea to allow other people to use your PC. Discourage them by hacking off their limbs with the rusty axe supplied.
17. Speaking of rusty axes, do not enter games like Quake or Dungeon. Consequences of doing this are indeterminate. Does anyone have use for Axe-Wielding Trolls and knife throwing dwarves?
Thank you for purchasing the 666 chip - it should provide you a lifetime's (hah!) serive...
Well thats it...Ouch my arms hurt >.< anyone else get a chuckle out of this?
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