Welcome!

Join our community of MMO enthusiasts and game developers! By registering, you'll gain access to discussions on the latest developments in MMO server files and collaborate with like-minded individuals. Join us today and unlock the potential of MMO server development!

Join Today!

Sliver

M

Mario_Party

Guest
I had to write an account on this incident that happened in 1992 (Nov 21st - 23rd) Darknightr says its good... but i don't think it is....... well here it is, even though i ain't finished yet:

Rescue from Kilauea
Inside Pu
 
Joined
Jan 1, 2003
Messages
20,040
Reaction score
1,846
thats not bad m8 :),

i would say though sometimes you start a new paragraph and you are still talking about the same thing, i wont botehr quoting incase its just because of how its been copied into here :)

i think you coul make it a bit better by planning out what ur writing 1st.
Draw a flow chart of your ideas, like a map or the route your written piece is going to take. Then when youve done that draw sideroads of notes and different points you want to make before moving onto the next section

eg

the 1st piece of info you want to put in is the date so itd be like

(1.) DATE

and the 2nd the location, so;

(1.) DATE

(2.) LOCATION

repeat till uve got thru all the major points then add extras like

(1.) DATE
- what else was happening here at that time
- what was happening around the world at that time

(2.) LOCATION
- Location famous for anything else?

etc, you get the idea :)


Altogether though it was a good article i was just in a constructive critisism mood, i love to write ^_^
 
M

Mario_Party

Guest
After only being down at the bottom for a few minutes the lava pretty much next to him was getting so intense that sulphur and steam was being emitted from it. Craig found it very difficult down there as he was bleeding all over his body, and vomiting every few minutes.
 
M

Mario_Party

Guest
nathan123 said:
i aint readin all tht, giv me the general idea of it

two guys need to get some footage of a volcano for a movie
go to volcano Kilauea... throw gin into it (some myth)
they go there.. get what they need..... find it too short...
so they go back......
they have engine failure.....
fall into the volcano...
all of em make it out alive within 3 days......
 
M

Mario_Party

Guest
Exclamatio said:
doesnt mean u planned out the right up well, it is good all im saying is that it could have flowed better as a piece to read

lol i aint had time to check this... and i had to hand this in today...... it wasn't planned too well i must admit, but i followed the chronological order my notes were in from the video we watched.....
 
M

Mario_Party

Guest
Inside, at the bottom of the volcano Craig was desperately fighting for his life and trying to get the radio working. He tried using it, but it didn
 
Back
Top