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Something I wrote 2day

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dunno had some lil inspiration 2day... so here is something i wrote fast:

I just woke up today,
and i thank god for yet an other day.
Got up, i drank a beer
there is an other day ahead of me, i face it with no fear!

My bro calls me, tells the story,
no way ill leave u man,
no worries.

Nothing is more important then my brothers man,
i wont give up on you,
not for even a big chek of dollars, my words are true.

Put my gloves on, put on my suit,
i feel like there is going to be a smack down,
LET ME THOUGH!

Yet an other day, an other story,
just an other way for me to say i'm sorry,
for wut i've done, for wut i will do,
I just hope all of this is untrue.

A dark place here, wrong side of town,
wut we doing here? we going down?

The doors open,
i hear a shot, some one just messed up!
with all my anger, with all my fear,
i rush and fire, the death is near

Not for me nor my crew,
everyone is gone exept our crew.

The deal is done, the crew is fine,
no one messes with us, no crime.

Yet an other day, an other story,
just an other way for me to say i'm sorry,
for wut i've done, for wut i will do,
I just hope all of this is untrue.​

k, well i know it kinda sux or doesnt makes sence to everyone, but it was in my mind and i had to write it...

No Degradation, only levitation!

no flames... if it sux just tell me it sux that it.

any comments?
 
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Huh...I bet you could do well in an abstract line of poetry if you went into some 1-2 month creative writing class. I don't say that to tell you that you're bad at poetry, just saying the car could use more sheen :p




Since you posted that....

The flower that once grew red-
Now grows black.
The stars that once shone bright-
Now dim with little light.

The days that began and ended-
They only end now.
Snow the color of ash-
Turmoil beckons the rash.

In this place, this place of mine-
I know the days will intertwine.
The fate of the world is sealed,
But at least it is now revealed.

I once sought treasure,
But now I seek this place of mine.



Anyone like it? I do a poem or two every single day just to keep up rhyme and vocabulary. Nothing like being able to talk formally when you really need to. :O


Edit: Lol..lets start a poetry thread just to see what the Ragezone people think in their everyday lives. I love reading the emo suicide poems, they make me laugh :)
 
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Huh...I bet you could do well in an abstract line of poetry if you went into some 1-2 month creative writing class. I don't say that to tell you that you're bad at poetry, just saying the car could use more sheen :p
Thx ill look for that next time.
I love reading the emo suicide poems, they make me laugh :)
LOL. it might be a good idea after all
 
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Apart from some rhyming it isn't really good. I think it needs to sound more poem-ish.

The flower that once grew red-
Now grows black.
The stars that once shone bright-
Now dim with little light.

The days that began and ended-
They only end now.
Snow the color of ash-
Turmoil beckons the rash.

In this place, this place of mine-
I know the days will intertwine.
The fate of the world is sealed,
But at least it is now revealed.

I once sought treasure,
But now I seek this place of mine.

What's with all the dashes man?
 
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You obviously haven't read enough Poetry. The dashes a free form way of flowing the poem. It isn't an ending(period) and it isn't a pause(comma).
 
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Takes me back to poetry day in the 5th grade.
 
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its good no, come on post a lil thing... we wanna read it... i bet its very good.
 
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