I need some advice

[Faint-]

About 3,5 months ago i started talking with this girl, i could sense from our first chat that she was depressed, she had like every other person the usual problems, i guess somewhat bigger then most people, but not that big, but here is the thing, she has 1 really big problem, and that's not trusting everyone, she doesn't want to talk with anyone about it, she is simply scared of being to vulnerable.

But deepdown she does want to talk about it, i know that because she always letted me know there was something, then when i continued she didn't wanted to talk about it, and then when i continued a bit more she throws everything out.

Thing is that we don't know each other irl, but we live about 25 minutes away from each other (and that's if i go on my bike)
Now i talk to her online, but i can't really reach her, she has this voice in her head that keeps saying that everything i, and her friends irl say is shenanigans, her irl friends have no idea about her, i talked a few times with a guy she knows (actually she has a crush on him, not that he knows) and he doesn't have a clue what's going on, although he does know that it's not going right.
Now i promised her not to tell anyone, thing is that i could break that promise, but she will only hate me for it and she will only close up even more.

She is a real mess, she even blocked me from msn for a month, simply because i tryed to help her, she is afraid to be weak, and she felt weak for telling me all sorts of things, now i kept emailing her and all and that helped, but i can't do much more, i talk with her about things, but it always ends with that what i'm saying isn't true and all, and that there is no one that cares about her, and that i'm not really trying to help her and all.

About 1,5 week ago she got into a big fight with her parents, and now she is hardly online, normally she is online everyday for many hours, but in the last week only been a few hours.

Now she just told me that she cut herself open, she used a knive to cut a bit of her arm open, it's a common thing actually, there are quite a few people who cut themselfs abit open to somehow feel better, i read this thing about it with a interview with someone who helps people with that, and actually sometimes do it herself aswell.

She really has some serious problems, but i'm not sure what to do, i know a good friend of her, i got her younger brother his msn, hell i even know her adress and phone number (she once gave me her login of some site which had her info filled in..)

I tryed if she wanted to call or meet but she says she doesn't, and she keep saying she doesn't want to talk about her problems, but the fact is that everytime she talks to me it's about things that is bothering her, so i know she wants to talk about it, i just don't know if i should do something or not, i know i could arrange a meeting with that friend of hers and all, but i just don't know if i should do it.

I do know that if this goes on much longer that it will just become much bigger.

 

[Deathsfear]

Therapy? Try to avoid the subject completely just talk about misc stuff I.E study her patterns when you think you know why then try to help...

 

[Tupac]

dude if she doesnt want help dont try and give her it, just try and be funny and cheer her up

 

[Evilkitten]

just listen 2 her and if she needs help she will ask 4 it. make it clear 2 her that if she does what sum help that all she has 2 do is ask so she feel she's got sumwhere 2 go.

Just dont force her into anything, when she is rdy and willing, she will take ur help. but til then just try 2 cheer her up, talk 2 her about other things.

 

[Faint-]

Therapy? Try to avoid the subject completely just talk about misc stuff I.E study her patterns when you think you know why then try to help...

Look she blocks everyone from her feelings, i'm the only one she talks too, that guy she likes is one of her best friends, and he, and other friends of her have no idea whats going on with her, if i only do normal stuff then she wont talk with anyone about it, as for therapy, i know i could get that done, but that is always a option, i believe i can help her more then such a person can, btw don't get me wrong here, i know that those people are specialists, but i'm going to do such stuff, and i have been reading so much about people with problems etc, and i just have to try myself, if that doesn't work out then she can always go to therapy, but i hope to reach her and that she wants help herself, instead of getting forced.

Anyway i never start about her feelings, if she has a good day then we just have a fun convo, but the fact is that most of the time she isn't feeling that great.

dude if she doesnt want help dont try and give her it, just try and be funny and cheer her up

Look she blocked me for a month because she didn't wanted to talk about her feelings, at least thats what she said, now most of the time we talk about her feelings, yet she unblocked me again and started talking to me again about her feelings, that doesn't sound like a person that doesn't want to talk about it.

just listen 2 her and if she needs help she will ask 4 it. make it clear 2 her that if she does what sum help that all she has 2 do is ask so she feel she's got sumwhere 2 go.

Just dont force her into anything, when she is rdy and willing, she will take ur help. but til then just try 2 cheer her up, talk 2 her about other things.

I know, i never force her to tell anything, although i do stimulate her to tell more when she lets me know something is going on, and i tell her that im there for her all the time, and she knows that, but she sometimes have days that are worse then others, and then she just trys to push me away, and then the next day she apologizes again etc.

Anyway she was online earlier, and i gave her my cellphone number, not to call but send messages whenever she wants, and she actually took it, and she just send me one, so thats a step in the right direction i think.

 

[Masami]

good luck ><

 

[CHRONO]

Yeah good luck with that. I have been in situations like that before and luckily things worked out slowly, but surely..

 

[exclamatio]

add me to msn m8 i might be able to help with the psychology or at elast give you advice

silentfrag@hotmail.com

 

[Solares]

Therapy sounds like the best thing. But dont say it to her out right.... Even tho everyone has a misconception about therapy its definatly worth telling her its an idea..... I've almost got myself into therapy. Luckally i managed to get myself out of it. Just a good suggestion me thinks :good:

 

[Faint-]

I know, but she has to feel even a bit that it's the right thing to do, forcing a person into therapy isn't that good, it should be a last option, right now i believe there are still more options.

 

[exclamatio]

nah i dont think therapy should be a last option but keep helping her man, sounds like your on the right track

 

[hellprowler]

Man that's a tough situation she's in, whatever you try to do, it's going to be really hard to try to do it, so hmm... Again, you can try therapy, but I don't know what will happen when you suggest it to her, she probably I guess refuse, saying it wouldn't help or something like that, best I can think of is just repeatedly saying that it will help, I don't know how you can, but just try every way to show her that it really can, try to be as serious and demanding (but not in a mean way, yea kind of complicated) as possible, so she finally can take the hint that it might be a good idea, the thing that will help this situation m8 is how serious and helpful you can be, do everything in your power to try to convince her. Not much more really I can say though.

If you want me to help you out by speaking to her I guess, just add kidgoten@hotmail.com , I can always take an attempt at it. I know you don't know me much, but I am pretty nice, and I think I might have a chance at it, if you ever needed some help.

 

[Faint-]

The thing is that she still tells herself that she hasn't got a problem, deep down she knows she has, that's what i need to change first, that she accepts that she has a problem, and then you can slowly forward, if i just start about therapy everytime then she will block me at the third convo, you have to understand that if these people really understood what is best for them that they would already go to therapy themselfs.

What i need to do is really get her trust, enough that she would want to call or meet, then i can be really there for her and i could help her with a lot of problems, although ofcourse therapy would be good later because there are always things that are hard to reach, but right now she is filled with problems, and if i can help her with a lot of them, give her a more positive view on things, then therapy would be best.

Forced therapy does work, but it takes way and way longer that she is done with it then this way, that is if this way would work...

Oh and Ex is talking with her now aswell, i don't want to overthrow her with lots of people, it will just make her nervous and get her to close up again.

 

[Steely]

block her having her on msn seems like way to much effort imo

 

[Gilly]

block her having her on msn seems like way to much effort imo

i agree wiv steely, its not ur problem 2 sort out.
but g/l if ur trying.

 

[Faint-]

block her having her on msn seems like way to much effort imo

I wish we had all friends like you...

Look unlike you i do care about other peoples feelings, and i will use most of my time to those who need it the most, everyone can find someone that is willing to listen for 5 minutes, but there are only a few people that are willing to put lots and lots of time in it, and i'm such a person.

 

[Dragon]

block her having her on msn seems like way to much effort imo

:iamwithst​

kids ... :no:

 

[MasterD]

i know it might sound evil but u should stay out of it man you might make it worse just check up on her and try and cheer up when ever she is online.

 

[Faint-]

Alright... again some great advice... to wipe my butt with.

 

[Tupac]

if ya not gonna listen to ppls advice no matter what it is, piss off, u asked for ppls help and they are nice enough to give it, even though most dont like u