Jokes

[DigitalSkyline]

Sorry Little Off Topic Been Having A Bad Week, Vote Your Best Joke Feel Free To Post Your Own Every One Take Votes On Every Ones Jokes. Please Dont Lock This!

Joke 1:

Question:

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?


Awnser:
They were both upset when Bill finished first.




Joke 2:

Question:

Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine?

Awnser:

She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.




Joke 3:

Guy goes into a bar. Big guy, but his head is the
size of an orange.

Goes up to the bartender, orders a beer.
Bartender serves him and asks why a big guy like
him has such a small head.

So the guy tells him his story: He was walking
along the beach when he stumbled upon a genie
lantern. Out comes this beautiful, beautiful
genie who says, "I'll grant you one wish...
but i won't sleep with you."

Guy says, "Ok then, how 'bout a little head?"

 

[Vinzer Hiroshi]

l







o






l




:hail: :jaja:

 

[DigitalSkyline]

Well glad some one found it funney

 

[gohansuge]

lol last one is pretty good

 

[DigitalSkyline]

Thank's, At least some people like my jokes had like 30 views and only two people post lol always the way

 

[SaRaKu]

last one was funny , post some more

 

[st3w]

what have women and laminate flooring got in comman?

after ya lay um you can walk all over them

 

[Schnitzel]

what have women and laminate flooring got in comman?

after ya lay um you can walk all over them

Lol

Im sure the female people will find it funneh

 

[lexion]

Eres a gud'n!!!

Sex With a Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The
hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun,
surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next
stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell
you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that
he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at
midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed
in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and
you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the
cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. Sure enough, at midnight the nun
shows up and begins praying. The hippie jumped out from hiding and says, "I
AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must
have sex with me."

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because
she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with
the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,
"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!"

 

[lexion]

Theres more were that came from!!

Bob was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to
see a big black >bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin.
I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we
have sex." After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the
latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed
revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the
black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his
shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Bob. That was my cousin
and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have
rough sex." Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the
grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with
Bob.

Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully
recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to
Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt
sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his
shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bob, you don't come
here for the hunting, do you?"

 

[e0n]

nice

 

[Evilkitten]

what have women and laminate flooring got in comman?

after ya lay um you can walk all over them

 

[DonTonberry]

 

[sikamon]

Re: Eres a gud'n!!!

Sex With a Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The
hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun,
surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next
stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell
you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that
he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at
midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed
in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and
you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the
cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. Sure enough, at midnight the nun
shows up and begins praying. The hippie jumped out from hiding and says, "I
AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must
have sex with me."

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because
she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with
the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,
"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!"

that ones brilliant

 

[DigitalSkyline]

lol they all good so far keep them coming

 

[DigitalSkyline]

Joke 4

A man entered a tattoo parlor on the lower west
side and wanted to get a tattoo.

'What can I do for you?' asked the tattoo artist.

'Well,' the man replied, 'I want a $100 dollar
bill tattooed on my donger.'

'I've never that request before. Do you mind if I
ask why?'

'Well, I really like watch my money grow. I also
love to play with my money and, I'll tell you, My
wife can blow a hundred dollar's better than
anyone I've known!'

Joke 5

Pulled a bird last night!
She unzipped my flies
and started playing with my dick...
I said "you handle that well"
She said "I should know, I used to have one"

Joke 6

A girl meets a lad in a club, takes him home and says
"tie me to the bed & do wot lads do best!"
He tied her up, farted, picked his nose & shaged her mate!

Joke 7

Why is virginity like a baloon?

All it takes is one small prick and it's gone.

Joke 8

What do blonde women put behind their ears to
attract men?

Their ankles.

Joke 9


Q. What do Princess Diana, and the Rock Group
Pink Floyd have in common?

A. Their last biggest hit was the WALL!

 

[RageFire]

Bah, gonna post a few ones:

(1)A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."

(2)A woman and a baby were in the doctor

 

[lexion]

 

[DragonWoLf]

lol that last one is looooooooool :biglol: