Jokes

[Rannie]

No post without a joek please.
Sorry if this is lame, but only one that comes to mind...and some of it may be edited :X

A guy at work is complaining about his wife at work, so then his friend says why don't you get Arty to kill her. Arty kills anyone for a pound. So the guy arranges to see Arty and sure enough Arty will kill anyone for a pound. The guy says his wife will be outside Sainsbury's at 2 o' clock and she's be wearing a scarlet scarf with a pink furry coat.

So the next day Arty goes at 2 0'clock outaside Sainburys and runs up to the women wearing the scarlet starf and pink furry coat and chokes her to death. Then he sees another women with scarlet scarf and pink furry coat. So he doesn't want to ruin his reputation so he runs upto her and chokes her to death as well.

The police arrive and arrest him. Then the next day the headline in The Sun newspaper is.."Arty Chokes two for a pound at Sainsburys"

sorry if its lame but you try better

 

[Maximilian]

A son takes his ill father to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor advises that the father is dying of cancer.
On the way home from the hospital, the father tells his son that he has had a good, long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate.
Surprised, the son reluctantly agrees.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying from AIDS. When his friends leave, the son says, "Dad, you're dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"
The father replies, "It's rather simple, son... I don't want my friends Ducking your mother after I'm gone!"

 

[Maximilian]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey. I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to fall asleep. A few minutes later, he rolls over and taps his wife again. He whispers in her ear, "Sweetheart, do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"