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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all applied for the job of MI5 hitman. They were put through a rigorous training course, and in the end, they all passed with distinction. They were brought in individually for a final interview.
"Our assassin will need to be utterly ruthless - are you?" they asked the Englishman.
"Of course." replied the Englishman.
"Very well then - you see that gun on the table? You wife is in the next room - kill her."
The Englishman stood up. "Sirs ... I may be ruthless ... but I will not shoot my own wife."
The MI5 chiefs shake their heads sadly. "I'm afraid you cannot be our assassin."
The Scotsman is shown in, and asked the same question. He picks up the gun, and walks into the room, determined to outdo the Englishman. A minute later however, he comes back out.
"I cannae do it." he says shame facedly, "I cannae jist shoot ma wee wife."
Again, the MI5 chiefs indicate that the Scotsman cannot be their assassin.
Finally the Irishman is shown in. He is offered the same challenge. Without a pause he picks up the gun and walks next door. A moment later, there is a loud BANG! Two seconds after that, there is an odd contorted gurgling noise. The Irishman comes back in.
"What idiot put blanks in the gun?" asked the Irishman, "I had to strangle her instead!"
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Three men are captured by canibals on a deserted island. The chief walks up to the men and says: You must go into the forest and find ten pieces of the same fruit. Then you must shove the ten pieces up your bottom. If you do this without showing emotion, you will be set free. If not we shall put you on another island to eat later!!!
So the three men go away into the forest. The first man comes back with a bucket of apples and proceeds to shove them up his bottom! He gets one up, but the second causes him to express pain on his face. FAILED! The chief says, and the man is taken to another island to be eaten later.
The second man comes. He holds ten berries. This should be easy for you! says the chief. The man begins to shove the berries up his bottom...
1...2.....3.....4.......5......6.....7....8
He gets to 8 and burst into laughter!
FAILED! The chief bellows and the man is taken to the island.
On the second island, the first and second men are talking to each other.
The first man says, you had 8, why did you laugh???
The second man replies, I saw the third man coming back with pinapples!!!!!
"Our assassin will need to be utterly ruthless - are you?" they asked the Englishman.
"Of course." replied the Englishman.
"Very well then - you see that gun on the table? You wife is in the next room - kill her."
The Englishman stood up. "Sirs ... I may be ruthless ... but I will not shoot my own wife."
The MI5 chiefs shake their heads sadly. "I'm afraid you cannot be our assassin."
The Scotsman is shown in, and asked the same question. He picks up the gun, and walks into the room, determined to outdo the Englishman. A minute later however, he comes back out.
"I cannae do it." he says shame facedly, "I cannae jist shoot ma wee wife."
Again, the MI5 chiefs indicate that the Scotsman cannot be their assassin.
Finally the Irishman is shown in. He is offered the same challenge. Without a pause he picks up the gun and walks next door. A moment later, there is a loud BANG! Two seconds after that, there is an odd contorted gurgling noise. The Irishman comes back in.
"What idiot put blanks in the gun?" asked the Irishman, "I had to strangle her instead!"
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Three men are captured by canibals on a deserted island. The chief walks up to the men and says: You must go into the forest and find ten pieces of the same fruit. Then you must shove the ten pieces up your bottom. If you do this without showing emotion, you will be set free. If not we shall put you on another island to eat later!!!
So the three men go away into the forest. The first man comes back with a bucket of apples and proceeds to shove them up his bottom! He gets one up, but the second causes him to express pain on his face. FAILED! The chief says, and the man is taken to another island to be eaten later.
The second man comes. He holds ten berries. This should be easy for you! says the chief. The man begins to shove the berries up his bottom...
1...2.....3.....4.......5......6.....7....8
He gets to 8 and burst into laughter!
FAILED! The chief bellows and the man is taken to the island.
On the second island, the first and second men are talking to each other.
The first man says, you had 8, why did you laugh???
The second man replies, I saw the third man coming back with pinapples!!!!!